When your fears become reality you are confronted with a full range of emotions. Along with frustration and fear, I have had to deal with a lot of anger because I liked my job, at least the interactions with people desperately needing our assistance. Other things about it suited me well too, and I really didn't want to face the prospect of searching for a good fit and learning yet another new job at this age.
I haven't held all that many jobs in my adult life, one I had for nineteen years, and left it only when I moved to Texas to marry Papa Bear. But I had been ready for that change and relocation, my life needed it, and God provided. Then came the job at the truck sales/service business. It was a good job too, and despite a lot of ongoing drama I liked it well enough... until it sold out to a larger corporation that I didn't want to be a part of. So I flung caution to the wind, took a giant leap of faith, and submitted my resignation. Within a few weeks time I'd secured my new job at the law firm, and again it felt like where I was supposed to be. And then it ended. The office closed for many reasons, but management issues certainly played a role in it, and that's what made me angry because perhaps it didn't have to end that way.
But none the less it ended, and as I walked out of the office for the final time after holding keys for two weeks to let movers in, etc. I felt such a wave of relief. Freedom at last, no need to return to that office building again ever. And then comes the fear. What would I do now, and how would we survive?
I still don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know that God is clearing a path for me to follow if I trust Him. The hardest thing to learn in life if you are a questioning person like me, is that we don't need to know all the answers. All we have to do is see the first step, and take it. I've been taking it day-by-day now for over six weeks, and so far everything is working out ok. I have a few things to iron out, like finding some part time income to supplement my Social Security benefits, and enough to cover health insurance. I'm hoping that I can find something casual or that I can do at home. I am praying that my office days are over. But I am also open to what may come.
In life we have to learn to bend with the wind like the trees do. Even more importantly, I need to feel secure in the belief that God has a plan for me. Then all I have to do is remember to breathe. Just as the quote below says, I have no idea where I am going, but I am on my way. I am willing to be led... and that is good enough.
I'm joining Patricia for In Other Words
where this week's writing prompt
is the following quotation by Carl Sandburg: