Own It

 
I think we all know people who believe that everything bad that happens to them is someone else's fault. They never see their role in it; they never accept that there are consequences for their choices and their actions; they live in total denial.  In their eyes they are picked on, the universe singles them out unfairly.  Maintaining that attitude makes it so easy - if it's never your fault you bear no responsibility, and there is never a need to consider making any changes in the way you conduct your life.
 
I would like to believe that I never have a hand in the not so great things that happen in my life. Taking responsibility for our choices and actions can sometimes be uncomfortable and even embarrassing. But I know myself too well to ever believe I am an innocent victim of fate.  In fact I could easily be the poster child for poor choice-making in much of life, and I've had to live with the consequences of those choices.  I can't say that's been much fun, but it has been a powerful lesson.  Eventually it dawned on me that if I wanted my life to be different I would have to do something different.
 
Seven years ago I made a conscious choice to do something different when it came to seeking a partner, and in doing so I ended up with Papa Bear, the best guy ever!  But it isn't always that clear-cut and simple.  Sometimes despite our best intentions thing don't work out like we plan or we end up handling things badly.   We are imperfectly human, we make mistakes, and sometimes we just blow it entirely.  What's important is that we acknowledge our mistakes, that we own them, and that we make amends in situations where we can. 
 
Things that don't go well in our lives provide the perfect opportunity for introspection - what could we have done differently, what should we do next time?  No matter how hard I try,  there are times when I fall short, and times when I just screw up entirely.  I don't feel very proud of myself at those times, but I do feel better when I accept ownership, rather than trying to blame on someone or something else.  Making a mistake isn't something to be ashamed of, we all do it.  Shame comes in attempting to deny it or disown it.  It takes courage to admit our mistakes and deal with the consequences, but as a grownup I am  responsible for myself, and if I said it or did it (or didn't do it if I should have), I will own it.  That's called integrity, and it's an important part of who I want to be.
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Two Shoes Tuesdsay
This was written for Two Shoes Tuesday
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9 comments:

  1. I talk to my kids about this all the time. I respect someone who makes a mistake and owns it. A person who makes a mistake and covers it up or lies about it? Not so much

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  2. When we are young life seems to stretch out endlessly in front of us and living it we are bound to take the wrong turn or trip up in one way or another. The important thing then is to stop, brush ourselves down and decide ourselves how our lives could be lived for the better before it is too late. Your posts on this subject are inspirational Josie and I hope they help many people.

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  3. Yes, exactly. There are places i've gone wrong, and i acknowledge that and admit my faults and mistakes and wrongs in those areas. Now i am trying to make better choices or undo the damage as best i can, by living out of what i see would have been the right thing, or what i know is right at this point.

    There is someone in my family who does not admit that he has ever made a bad choice, but laments all of the time how hard his life is. There are many places where he could have made different choices, and refused, and now he is miserable.

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  4. . It is wonderful to make those mistakes which become learning experiences. Through them we can appreciate the consequences of a GOOD choice. (like Papa Bear). I agree there are many people with the "victim" mentality. Not my fault. I try so hard, but. . . . I'm not this, I'm not that. Sometimes, when something bad happens, you just have to forget it and move on. Very thought provoking read, Josie.

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  5. This was great! You are preaching to the choir! I am always surprised at how much I can forgive if yhe person owns it... including me.

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  6. You sound just like my father. :-)

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  7. Wonderful words, Josie.
    Totally agree. I believe the same too :)
    We must take responsibility and own up and accept the situation and our role.
    Blaming others or circumstances is no good...

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  8. I made some awful choices and decisions and they were my fault. I may have had help in carrying them out but bottom line...my bad. Thankfully I have learned the lessons. Not that I don't still make mistakes but they haven't been quite so big and bad.

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  9. Point well explained Josie. Yes we need to own our mistakes, that is ultimate bravery act for me.

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)