Pages

Misunderstood

"Not many things can cost you more in this life than the price
 you could pay for being misunderstood" - Cedric Crawford
 
It hasn't been an easy week.  Echoes of the past rise up to taunt me.  Familiar pain stabs at my heart.  Misunderstood... yet again.  Perhaps it is the nature of the human condition to be misunderstood, to have our thoughts, words, and actions misinterpreted and judged unfairly; most certainly it has been the rule rather than the exception in my life.  In trying to communicate, I often complicate. 
 
Sharing my feelings, my own wants and needs, I am condemned.  In standing up for myself, I am told that I am inflexible. Yet it seems to me that I am the only one asked expected to bend.  I think perhaps that to be misunderstood in life is one of the most painful things of all.  If  I am ridiculed, corrected, or rejected because of something that I know deep down is true, I can live with it. I stand by what I am, but to be accused of  being what I am not wounds deeply. Yet it is a waste of words to attempt to untangle the misconceptions, people hear what they want to hear, and believe what they want to believe. 
 
I am told that I set my standards too high, so I set myself up to be disappointed. Perhaps that is true, I hold myself to those same high standards, and I often disappoint myself as well, but that does not alter my belief in their goodness or in the kind of person I try to be.  I do not lower the bar so that I can reach it easily, instead I stand on tiptoe, or search for a step stool to help bring it within my grasp.  Part of me wonders if their rejection of my "too high standards" is their fear of me or that I might just be right, and they have sold themselves short. 
 
For too many years I sat silent while the abuse of others was heaped upon me. I am no longer a doormat for other people's issues.  I stand up, I speak out, I say "No, you will not treat me that way, it is wrong."  But I am told that I am the one  who is inflexible.  In that sense perhaps they are right, I will not bend under their taking advantage, I will not be the one who is taken for granted or ignored.  I will do what is required of me, I will do more than that if I can, but I will not sit silently while I am treated as if I do not matter.  I do matter, and right is right and wrong is wrong, regardless of how they try to twist the story to make me the one in error. I am familiar with this game... offense is the best defense, or so they think. 
 
They may label me as they like, perhaps it is not that they are unable to understand, but rather that they choose not to understand.  To understand would mean that change is required, and it is so much easier not to change. I can live with that, but I will never accept it; you can beat me down with your critique, you can silence me temporarily by intimidation, but in the end I will have my day. You cannot steal my soul. 

14 comments:

  1. You have to take care of yourself first. Always. If you don't take care of yourself no one else will. You will be that doormat for everyone to walk across. I so remember and I refuse to do that anymore either. You stick to your guns honey.

    Have a blessed day my friend. Big hugs. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have learned that to be absolutely true, Sandee. I must always speak out, and speak the truth, regardless of whether anyone will want to hear or understand. People should be treated with fairness and respect, without exception.

      Delete
  2. I know EXACTLY how you feel. For me there are two simple prayer/sayings that have proven to be strong allies in my path coming to terms with difficult people in my life:

    The Serenity Prayer — I don't have to like something to accept it, and the only thing I can change is my own perceptions, behaviors and attitudes, and sometimes the clarity to know what to do requires using many tools, especially writing. Being a doormat is never an option. That is when courage is required, which leads to the next saying I love...

    To Thine Own Self Be True — Sometimes being true to ourselves can be a lonely path that we have to walk. The key is to not continually beat MYSELF up for taking the RIGHT action I take which other people cannot come to terms with.

    Words from people we care about, love, or must interact with CAN hurt and damage. Thank you for sharing your personal trudge at this time! You are definitely not alone!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right EireKitten, sometimes we must accept things in our lives that we are unable to change or escape from, at the moment, it does not mean we have to approve or permit ourselves to be taken advantage of. I will do what must be done, and say what must be said, even if it sometimes is not what others want to hear from me. I am respectful, I do things the right way, but I don't back away.

      Delete
  3. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You cannot change them, only how you react to them. Rise above; do not let them get you down. Be the change. It hurts, but those tears turn into resolve. Those tears wash away the bad, and leave you refreshed to carry on. You can, and you will, because you know you are right. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that is part of the problem, Annie, my frustration that I do let them get to me. After so many years of life I should be able to rise above what is unfair, and yet sometimes I cannot. I get over it, I move on, but part of me hurts always for wanting to be understood and treated fairly. Sadly, life is not that way. Monday I will be ready once again to slay mighty dragons and face fires, we have no choice but to wipe our tears and carry on. It is what I am.

      Delete
  4. I don't know who is trying to beat you down, but hold strong, your readers all know you to be a good person!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think Joe, that it is not so much intentional cruelty, as it is the ignorance of youth, and of being unable to see reality when is held up before you. Being treated fairly, respectfully, is such a big issue to me, not just for me, but for everyone. There is no excuse for playing favorites, or for overlooking the rights of those who don't shine shine your shoes. I overlook a lot, I put up with a lot, but every now and then the anger and frustration rise in me and I must speak out. Then I must listen to how wrong I surely am (though I don't agree with that one bit). At least I said it, and perhaps later on in life they will remember and see it in a different light, when they have lived more years of their own.

      Delete
  5. You are a strong individual who has earned the right to be yourself. We are not in a popularity contest but rather a journey to do things the right way.

    Mom always said, "Water off a duck's back" is how we should treat these remarks.

    Ignorance and low self esteem cause people to say hurtful things to make themselves seem better. Smile, forgive them and say a tiny prayer. You will be the better for it. When you hold hurtful remarks it gives those who said them power.

    Remember, Water off a duck's back.

    May you have a fantastic blessed evening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are absolutely right, Gail. I sometimes use my blog as venting space, I write about it, then I am able to release it. The gloom that hung over me the past few days is gone now. Time to let it go and move on. I am confident in my beliefs, I am sorry that they do not understand. Not my problem. That's for the encouragement!

      Delete
  6. I believe in standing up for my ideals and values, and not bending with the wind. Think it's good to have high standards... But when I'm misunderstood (and that happens to a lot of people a lot of the time, I work hard at trying to understand how that misunderstanding happened. We all take certain things for granted. You didn't say what the last misunderstanding was all about. But it could be that you took some things for granted that the other person didn't accept, or weren't a part of his calculations. When trying to work with others, we have to be very sensitive to their values too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You make a good point, Shimon, that it is important to try to understand what they misunderstanding was about and why it occurred, so that it can be avoided another time. In this case, without going into details, my frustration was that my intent in correcting a situation that was adversely affecting me, was misconstrued as me trying to hold someone else up to my standards. While I do set office conduct standards high, for myself and others, this issue was actually about an infringement on my rights, and it riled me that my complaint was misinterpreted and thus deflected. Next time I will most certainly address it more clearly!

      Delete
  7. Dear Josie,
    You know that you are right, so don't let the words of others hurt you. God has blessed us with two years, one for hearing the other for throwing out the unwanted things we hear.
    Don't worry about setting your standards too high, I think it's a good thing. Life is not worth living if your standards are low and they can be easily achieved, the real challenge is to go beyond your reach and that's where you actually start living.
    I heard this quote somewhere, "Two men looked through the same bars, one saw the mud , the other saw the stars." Be the way you are, keep your standards high, the people who want to stay in your life will always find a place, those who don't know where the exit door is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words, Judygirl, it is nice to see you stopping by for a visit! I agree, that setting high standards motivates us to try harder to be the kind of person we want to be. It is discomforting to be misunderstood and judged wrongly, but in the end I forgive, let it go, and move on. We all make mistakes. It is clear that those who know me here also understand my character fairly well, and outside opinions don't really matter so much in the long run. The important thing is that I live in keeping with what I believe is right and wrong. I try hard to do that!

      Delete

Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)