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Quiet In The Corner

People who have met me thru my blog are often surprised and sometimes a bit doubtful when I tell them that I am shy and reclusive.  Josie Two Shoes here is on occasion quite revealing, often verbose, and sometimes very outspoken.  It's easy to be myself here, on the illuminated screen, where I don't have to face questioning glances or judgmental eyes.  People who have been reading here for awhile know me far better than most of the people in my everyday life, including relatives and "friends".

In real life, I abhor crowds, social situations with a code of dress and conduct, even small groups of  people I don't know.  A table full of women oohing and ahhing over the latest high dollar shoes or purse does nothing for me. I feel like the child raised by wolves at their table.  I wear sandals, the same pair, day after day after day, they are comfortable. Does it really matter?  I wear very little makeup, often none, and my long coarse hair in the varied shades or brown turning silver, flies wild and free, often looking like I didn't bother to take a brush to it.  I like it that way, it's me.  Yes, I could style it or curl it or pull it up in some fancy do, but I am not that, I am just me.

Because I am disinterested in superficial conversation, and have little to contribute to the chatter, I remain quiet and keep track of time, tensing in my chair until I can come  up with a plausible excuse to enact an escape. Sometimes being in a group can be the loneliest place of all.

My coworkers know very little of me, a lesson learned the hard way quite a few years ago. Keep your personal life separate from your work life . Be cordial, friendly, and caring.  Visit a bit about your weekend or kids or whatever, but leave the drama at home, and don't get involved in other folks' drama.  If you were to ask any of my coworkers ten basic questions about me I really doubt they could answer, other than that they know I love cats, purple, seafood and blogging, because I spend most of my noon-hours doing it.  Yet none of them was ever curious enough to ask what I write about. I am twenty five years older than everyone else there, I am the old woman, no one cares. But my age serves me well when it comes to relating to our clients and empathizing with their plights.

However, you can put me in a chair across from any person in the world - any age, rank, or status - just the two of us (or maybe a threesome :-), and I could spend hours having a wonderful conversation, thinking up an endless stream of questions to cover and topics to discuss.  I am intensely interested in people - in their individuality. I do not have a group mentality.  I do not see myself as higher or lower than anyone, we all "put our pants on one leg at a time" as the saying goes. We have more in common than we have different, if we get down to the heart of the matter, and everyone who lives and breathes has a story worth hearing, if you can get them to share it!

So yes, at a dinner party or a group function, I am most often the one sitting quietly or hanging tightly to Papa Bear's hand, and wishing I could disappear.  I do not belong - it's like the lone cat sitting in a room full of canines! I am happiest when I am home, with my Papa Bear or alone, with my furkids, sitting right here sharing myself with you.  This is not a created me, an image for imaginary friends as some have suggested... here you have the real me, out there in the real world I am the quiet one in the corner. 

9 comments:

  1. I think this is true of many people. Everyone has insecurities and histories that cause them to act and react in ways that become traits. Fortunately, that adds to the array of personalities and people who make up this world. We each have our strengths and weaknesses. When we accept that and focus on the strengths, we can all become stronger, making the world a more interesting and better place.

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  2. I'm the one hanging off the chandelier. I'm very outgoing and can talk to anyone. I loves me a good party and am right in the middle of that party. Funny how we are all different, but alike in so many ways. I like you just the way you are.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  3. I know just what you mean because I am the same way! So glad I found you blog and added you to my blogroll as well as following you.

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  4. I can so relate. There was a time when I was younger that group situations/social gatherings were almost painful. I still abhor small talk but it is a necessary skill today. I couldn't agree with you more about the work-personal life separate thing either. I strive to keep those two worlds apart. Well, at least I keep my personal life at a distance from work. My work intrudes in on my personal life daily.

    Sure wish I'd been able to visit while you were 'here'! One day we will, and can skip all the surface banter and get down to the nitty gritty and solve all the world's ills. :)

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  5. I could have written this post. So much of what you say is true for me, too. I'm much more outgoing in writing than I am in person. It's funny because I met my husband in a chat room, so our primary method of communication in the early days was through writing. When we finally met in person, he saw I was much less talkative than he had thought I would be. I'm mainly an observer, which has served me well with my writing. My husband got used to my quietness. :)

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  6. Dana, AMEN. I am the same way, even though I spent years as a nightclub entertainer. That facade was handy, lemme tell ya!

    Josie, if you were seated alone, I'd probably ask if I could join you, and we would indeed realize, after about an hour, that we already know each other quite well! I hope that happens someday, with so many other poets, as well... Peace, Amy

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  7. I can well understand you, though in some ways I'm quite different. Not shy at all, and enjoy a social evening with a lot of people... But I have no use for fashion or gossip, or even polite conversation. I like to discuss things that matter; the trials of the soul... and always enjoy learning something new. Each of us is different in certain ways. And that's why we can't be friends with everyone. But there is a spark of recognition when we meet someone who has similar interests to our own. And then, new worlds are discovered.

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  8. Cool, i'm the same way pretty much. I don't ever talk much to others, mostly keep to myself and don't realize how quite I am until someone tells me, or asks me. That's why I started my blog in the first place, so that I could tell my story to others, that I don't feel like saying out loud. : )

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  9. Isn't it wonderful that we quiet ones can find our voices through blogging? I, too, dread the social functions "with a code of dress and conduct," but prize one-on-one times of quiet conversation. Sometimes I wish I were more adept at small talk so group functions would be less onerous, but for the most part, I am content to stand on the outskirts of the crowd observing quietly. Often I think I learn more that way than I would through a whole evening of casual chat!

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)