How do you approach life? Are you worried about what tomorrow might bring? Do you fear that the worst is sure to come and you are ill-prepared to deal with it? I used to live that way, waiting for the bottom to drop out to reveal an even deeper hole than I was in before. Life was dark and scary and I was constantly on guard against approaching evil and impending doom. Sadly, I was often right... life just kept getting worse, no matter how hard I tried to stay one step ahead of it.
The time came when I had to take a hard look at my life and what it was doing to me. When you reach the point where you'd rather be dead than alive, it's time to make some changes; changes that were long overdue. It was way past time to walk away from the situation I was living in, and the person I was living with. I had to find the courage to move out on my own.
I knew I didn't have that much courage. I'd been broken down too far to believe I was capable of handling anything anymore. So I only had one option, that was to rely on trust. I had to be willing to take my hand off the handle and to relinquish control... to Let Go and Let God. The only thing I had to rely on was faith, the belief that God wanted a better life for me than what I was living, and that He was somehow going to help me get there.
It wasn't easy, it wasn't something that happened overnight and the next day everything was sunny and fine. It was a long road, a hard road, and often a scary road. There was times I wanted to just give up and return to what I knew no matter how bad it was, but I didn't... because I knew if I kept living that way I was going to end up dead, either by his hand or by mine.
So I clung to faith. FAITH was my handle on life, the way I got thru each day ONE DAY AT A TIME, and I clung to the people who stood by me and encouraged me, and talked me down from the ledge of fear, and somehow I did get thru it.
It took about a year for me to pick up the pieces of my life and begin reassembling them into something that was actually me... not what someone else tried to make me or take away from me. Eventually I did come out on the other side, stronger, wiser, and far more faithful than I'd ever been before.
Most of you know how far my life has come in the last five years. You can read about it in many of my blog posts. I don't cling to the handle of anxiety and fear anymore. I know if God saw me thru those times, He can and will see me thru anything. No matter what life brings, I'm going to hold tight to the handle of faith and I'll be ok.
I'm linking up with Brenda Youngerman's Pondering With A Purpose
where this week's writing prompt is "handle"