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Pondering... Live

"Celebrate Life" by by Kenneth Krolikowski
Looking Back...
 
I remember a time in my life not that many years ago, when a friend of my then-husband stopped by to visit us one day, and during the conversation asked me, "What have you done lately that was fun?"  I realized that I could not come up with a single answer, even when thinking back for several months. That's when I realized that my life was in far worse shape than I thought . 
 
 It's not that I didn't know that times were hard - struggling to pay the bills while living with a with a drug-fueled, chronically unemployed husband was no picnic.  It's just that it had been so long since we had done something fun together, or even me on my own,  that I'd forgotten what it was like to have fun. I was living in survival mode.   Do what you have to do to get thru each day, and then do it again the next day.  It had been a long time since I had felt alive, or felt much of anything for that matter; I was living on autopilot.
 
I'd like to say things got better from that point on, but they didn't for awhile.  The awareness only served to emphasize the darkness of a situation that I was currently trapped in.   However, a couple years later I did finally manage to escape that that hell.  I believe that when situations become desperate and things need to happen, God provides a way, at least He always has for me.
 
Flash Forward...

A I look back on those days it's more from the eye of an observer, the emotional connection has faded, and at seems like someone else's story, or a story from another lifetime altogether. The life I have now is so very different... there is love, there is joy and laughter, there is caring and commitment, there is time spent together because there's no way we'd rather spend our free time.

When I think about it, despite the drudgery of daily work and the weariness of being older and more easily tired, I have so very many things to celebrate and be grateful for.  Papa Bear and I have done all kinds of fun things together and we've made some wonderful memories in the past five years!

I realize now that it is not enough to just survive life, although it's important that we do and I am proud that I have.  We have to push beyond survivor mentality to reach a place where we experience joy and contentment, whether with someone or on our own... a place where life has purpose and meaning, a place where we can celebrate life and truly feel ALIVE! 
  
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I'm linking up with Brenda at Pondering With A Purpose
where this week's theme is "live"

12 comments:

  1. At least when you go through a terrible relationship, you really appreciate a good one. It took me two bad ones before I found my good one.

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    1. It took me three, Joe. I had to kiss a few toads to find a real Prince Charming, and I did! I'm glad you were able to find the perfect partner at last too. Well worth waiting for!

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  2. great reflections...accepting the past for what if was and trying to make the future better is a great philosophy. Sometimes we put ourselves in closet or life puts us there and we just accept it and only exist.

    this could be the beginning of a new book for you called "The Great Escape".

    don't worry that there is another story or movie with that name...capitalize on the publicity...

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    1. I like your thinking, GSB, that would indeed be the perfect title for my bio someday! :-)

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  3. This is such a wonderful reminder. So truly important to make sure we are making life rich with the people around us. I was reminded from another blogger's post to appreciate the time with my parents while I still have them. I just let the detailed minute of the day take over and I spend so much of my time devoted to work because it feels as if it requires it. I do know, though, that I can change that and be more intentional about the investments I am making in the lives I am blessed to have in my life.

    Great post. I sent you an email, btw! :) Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

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    1. So true, Carrie, we get into that rut where we forget to climb out and make some time for fun and family now and then. It isn't so much about the quantity as it is about intent and quality, I don't want to spend later years wishing that I would have, as I sometimes do about the younger years when my kids were growing up and life was consumed with work and keeping bills paid. We don't have it to do over, but we still have now! :-)

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  4. Josie this is such a poignant post!

    Thanks for pondering with me.

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    1. Thank you Brenda, I love your prompts because they always make me take a little time to stop and reflect on life. I like the way I feel about my life now, it's a good life all in all!

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  5. Well at least you didn't get an invitation from your ex for his wedding. It is exaclty what I got from my ex-fiancee. Took me awhile to realize her spiteful nature even though family always pointed it out to me, but never listened. Always had false hopes during my time with her but glad it didnt get past the wedding bells.

    Glad you realized something new in your life that is worth talking about, making the memories of it serve you well to go beyond the past. Wish you well on the journey. =D

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    1. Good grief! The strange thing is that in the last two cases, the women that my ex's hooked up with next were very much like me, and we actually became good friends. However, both women came to their senses and are no longer with those men either. It's not too hard to figure out why. You are lucky that you didn't end up marrying her, it probably wouldn't have ended well. We get wiser as we get older, and hopefully make better choices, I certainly did this time.. finally! :-)

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  6. Glad to hear that you're enjoying your life now.

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    1. Thank you Shimon! To merely exist everyday is to often wish that you no longer had to live, to find meaning and joy in life is so very important as a balance to the necessities we all must contend with.

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)