In this week's Pondering With A Purpose, Brenda asks, "Do you feel out of sorts? Off balance?"
That could be me up there on the high wire stretched tightly between work and homelife, between want to do and must do, between resentment and forgiveness , between yesterday and tomorrow. It is a rare time in my life when I feel that I have things in balance. It is a rare week that something doesn't seem to come along and take away my sense of calm and direction. I tend to lurch back and forth from being on the right path to swinging widely off kilter, and I ponder often what it would be like to have a life of true calm and inner peace that lasted more than a day.
I fantasize that maybe if I didn't have to go to work, or maybe if we had a bit more money, or maybe if people understood me a little better or I didn't let their lack of acceptance get me down, maybe then I'd feel more balanced... but I suspect that then I would just blame other reasons for my sense of discomfort and being "out of whack". (What is whack anyway and why is it in such short supply?? :-)
The hamsters running in the wheel of my brain seldom seem to take a break, even when I'm sleeping. I over-think things, over-analyze things, and over-react to things. I am introspective, I am sensitive, and I am deeply affected by the sensory input of the world around me. I find it hard to be detached and less caring, hard to say "oh well, nothing I can do about that," when deep down a nagging little voice says "but maybe there is." Maybe, if I had a hundred hours in a day, and enough energy to fill them, maybe then at the end of the day I could say "Ahhhh, this has been a good one!" As it is, I am always feeling cheated and wanting more time, more energy, more freedom. To much wanting leaves one unbalanced.
I know the answer is to find acceptance that life is what it is, and brings what it does, that people I care about will come and go despite my best efforts to prevent it, and that life itself will change in ways I am unprepared to deal with. Peace is what happens when you learn to go with the flow. I will be fifty-nine years old next month, maybe I will reach that point of spiritual balance yet before I leave this world. It's possible... anything is possible if your heart desires it!
I'm linking up with Brenda at Pondering With A Purpose
here this week's writing prompt is "balance"