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I Hope There Is A Special Hell


I hope there is a special kind of hell for those twisted souls who abuse children.

I spent my morning sitting in a court room listening to a long list of pre-trial proceedings.  I arrived early, wanting a good seat in what I knew would be a crowded court room.  I was there for one reason... I wanted to look into the face of the pedophile who hurt someone close to my heart.  That turned out better than I had anticipated. 

This man (using the word in the physiological sense only) in his late thirties, is currently up on charges of felony sexual assault in two separate counties in Texas, both where the child lived before, and here where she lives now.  It had been dropped there once before, but charges were reinstated after the current charges were file here.  He is out on bond, quickly arranged.  Money is not a problem for his family. 

He entered the courtroom not long after me, following behind an older man that might have been his father. I don't know, it doesn't matter.  The man headed into my row, which at that point was mostly empty, and mister pedophile had no choice but to follow. 

Our eyes met as he crossed in front of me.  He recognized me instantly, as I knew he would.  I have talked with him on the phone in the past, and I was a visitor in his home a few years back, when people I care about were staying there.  I didn't feel comfortable with him even then, never felt right about the situation, nor did my husband, and we said so to those involved.  He called himself a devout Christian. I wonder how he defined the word.

So there he and I sat today, maybe five feet apart with nothing but empty space between us until right before the proceedings began and the courtroom filled up.  He looked at me, I looked at him, he looked at his feet.  He has lost weight, he doesn't look good. I hear that his wife has divorced him.  Apparently she finally found her backbone.  I worry about his own two small daughters, and all the girls on the ball teams he loved to umpire.

His turn on the docket was brief, as they all were. Today was just about setting hearings.  The proceedings were quiet, relatively informal, and very hard to hear.  Something was said about an offer that has been made by the State, and a hearing date wasn't set, so I take that to me there is a plea bargain in the works.  A person who helped facilitate one encounter between him and the victim has already pled guilty, and there is ample evidence against him.

Then the attorney from DA's office informed the judge that the defendant had been in contact with the victim after being released on bond.  The judge called him to the front and asked him if he had been in contact with her, which of course is a violation.  He stated that she had texted him (which I don't doubt is true) and that he had responded.  The judge was not pleased and warned him sternly that any further communication between him and the victim would result in him being sent back to jail.  At that point they continued on with the next case and I left.  I will find out more about what has transpired in a day or so. 

I would like to say I felt anger or hatred toward him, as I must admit I do for more than one man who has similarly damaged the life of people I love deeply.  Instead, I felt a tremendous sadness.  My heart aches to understand how a person can become so twisted and sick inside as to allow themselves and their behavior to cross over the line, to do something so very vile without a thought or care for their innocent victims.  I wanted to ask why, but I know there are no answers that could justify such premeditated evil.

In this particular case the victim wasn't a young child, but she was immature enough to be easily lured in and seduced.  It doesn't take much to convince a child who is desperate for love and attention that you are their soulmate and savior.  Part of her is still convinced he loves her  and she loves him.  He told her they would be together, and I have no doubt she would jump at that opportunity if it presented itself.  She doesn't really fully understand why what he did was wrong.  But she was a minor, and it was wrong, terribly wrong.  Sickening, disgusting, demented... evil. 

I wish I could say she is the only person I know who was a sexually abused as a child.  The truth is, I know dozens.  We all probably do.  It is a pervasive sickness in our society.  I don't know if it happens more now days or is just talked about more.  Probably the latter, since in the past families kept such dark secrets under wraps and the perpetrators were never held account for their crimes.  The children were treated as they were somehow responsible for the adult's aberrant behavior, not as the victims they really were.  What I find most disturbing is that in the vast majority of these cases, at least one family member in addition to the pedophile knew or at least suspected what was going on, and yet they allowed it to continue. 

There should have been another name on the docket today, the name of the victim's mother who created this situation and then allowed it to continue after she knew what was going on.  What kind of mother allows their own child to be abused?  I really don't know if I can ever look her in the face again, and the time will come when I will need to do so.  I hope by then I will have found some forgiveness, but I'm not holding my breath on that.  I try hard to be a forgiving person... hate the deed not the doer, and all that, but in the situation of innocent children being abused, I just don't know if I ever can, because the damage done to them lasts a lifetime.

So we will see what happens in this case, at least this man, unlike others I know who got away with it, is facing felony charges and will undoubtedly have to register as a sex-offender for the rest of his life, whatever good that does.  Will he get time off for good-behavior?  Can we give the time of innocence back to to his victim, or any of the children scarred by this crime?  I am strongly in favor of castration for child-molesters, it proves to be far more effective than "re-education".

I'm not sure I believe in a literal heaven or hell, but I find myself truly hoping there is a special kind of hell for those who hurt our children, where they can spend an eternity living with the pain and suffering they have caused.

16 comments:

  1. What a heartbreaking story. And even more so because it happens so often to way too many children. I believe that people will one day answer for the way they lived their lives and that justice will prevail, even in the hereafter.

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    1. I believe that too Judy, one way or another we reap what we sow.

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  2. I have spent a lifetime trying to understand this. The reality is that there is no possible, acceptable answer. And the one who lives the hell of it is the victim. You never get over it. It becomes a part of who you are. The best "revenge" is survival, and even success. Be there if possible, to help her find strength to get past this, if not over it, to become all that she can in spite of this. Hugs to yoy, her and all who have suffered this.

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    1. I agree McGuffy Ann, there is no possible excuse, no possible justification, ever. Too many people I love dearly have had their lives scarred by sexual predators. My heart and prayers go out to all of them. Life goes on, and a wonderful life is possible, but as we know, the scars never, ever go away.

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  3. Yes...castration! With a dull knife.

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    1. Yes Joe, seriously. Then one wouldn't have to worry about sex offenders in their neighborhood. The seriousness of the crime cries out for equally serious consequences. I've seen "re-education", I have little faith in it.

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  4. As a victim I can tell you that no it is never gotten over it is a scar you carry and it influences every relationship you ever have. I told my ex-husband about the sexual abuse I suffered from the age of 5 to 12 and he used it against me, threw it in my face in so many arguments and beatings, I learned to keep quiet and not tell anyone else. I forgave my grandfather but I never forgot and to this day I can't let a child be alone with any member of my family or church family either my husband or myself always go with them to the restroom or wherever, it is hard to live with so much suspicion of others but it is a necessity in life anymore.
    I hope that perv gets maximum sentencing and that someone in prison gets to him and shows him what a victim feels like!! Good for you for being there to look him in the eye...don't stop going follow through for the victim please.

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    1. This is a tragic story that is repeated over and over Len, the victims are the ones who pay for the rest of their lives. And yes, we are all far more cautious with children around adults now, sad world that it has to be that way. I will be following thru, I assure you. It's not so much about what has happened as it is about what can be done now to help her get her life back on track. Thank you for sharing, the more who are willing to step forward and speak out, the sooner understanding grows!

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  5. I'm now 63 and only in my 50's did it all come to a head.

    My molester is now in his 80's and has diabetes. Big deal. So do I.

    It will never even out no matter what.

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    1. I was so hoping you would join us on this one Lotta Joy, since you've been very open on your blog about how your life has been impacted by horrendous abuse as as a child. What I see in you that I love, is an amazing ability to go forth with your life, to not let this man or other very disturbed members of your family, steal all your joy forever. You have survived... you have found love and you share so much creativity and laughter with us here. I know the hurt never goes away, I know the scars never heal. But life goes on, because it must, and you have chosen to come to terms with it as best you can, and live as a survivor rather than a crippled victim. You win, he loses. I'm with Judy on this one, I believe we all are held accountable for the choices we make in life. I wouldn't want his karma. HUGS to you dear friend!

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  6. I have no tolerance for people that harm children. Just reading this story made me want to find this guy and slowly watch him die. I don't know how lawyers, judges, social workers, or anyone else can hear these stories and not commit acts of violence against the criminals. It takes self control I fear I wouldn't have if I were them.

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    1. I have zero tolerance for violence period, Monkey. It is always a choice. I don't care how screwed up your are or how pitiful your childhood was, it is still a choice on your part, to act out in ways that will hurt others, or to find ways to address your own issues. Papa Bear chose not to go with me for the same reason as you note, he wasn't sure that he could deal with seeing the man who abused his granddaughter and not be tempted to take justice into his own hands.

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    2. I wholeheartedly agree with you Josie, it is a choice.
      I was horribly mentally abused as a child, physically as well and I have never made the choice to use that as an excuse to hurt another child.

      In fact I have done the opposite. I have used my experiences to help others because I have empathy for others and truly know what they are going thru. I hate it when someone says they committed some crime just because of how they were treated as a child. I am living proof that it is a bunch of bull!

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    3. I love hearing this from you Trusting Poet, I am proud of you! I know of others like you have used the horrors of their childhood, not as a crutch or an excuse but as a foundation of understanding and caring for others who have been abused. In my eyes you are a hero!

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  7. There are no answers that could justify… but it is important to ask why. It’s important to try and understand how this happens, and then to understand how we can change these deviancies. And yes, I believe there is a special hell for such people… and he’s in it right now…

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    1. I agree with you on all counts Shimon. We cannot help but ask why, and why this has become so pervasive in our society. What can we do differently that could effect a change? I know that I would not want to be him, living with the reality of the family he has lost, and what he has done. We do in fact create our own hell.

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