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Let It Go


I like to think that I'm a fairly reasonable person. I try to play nice with others, I try to practice the Golden Rule.  But some days...  I just want to scream and yell and slam things, and grab someone by the neck and say "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Hypocrisy is one of my pet peeves - such as people who claim to be religious but in practice treat other people like yesterday's garbage, or people who say they are team players but in reality are self-serving and back-stabbing... you know the kind!  

I can deal with people who are just plain outright nasty... at least you know that if you "poke the bear" you do so at your own risk.  It's those folks who put on the best fake fronts and have others convinced their actions and intentions are honorable, and yet you know for a fact they are nothing like they appear.

Without going into specifics, I've been dealing with a situation at work for the last couple weeks that pisses me off greatly.  Under the guise of friendliness and feigned innocence, one of my coworkers likes to load me down with work at the end of the day that could easily have been dealt with earlier in the day, or even yesterday or the day before, IF they had been on task instead of bull#%^$&ing when the supervisors are out. 

It is my way to get mad and then to get over it.  When it happened last week, I made a rather vague remark and went home angry, but decided maybe it was just an off day for a person I usually get along with ok.  So I did what I almost always do... I shook it off, let it go, and started the next day with a clean page.  I honestly believe that's the right way to deal with 90% of the petty issues in life... get over it... let it go... start again.

Then the same thing happened again today, and I have to admit that as I scrambled to get the tasks completed by closing time (essential since they needed to be ready for tomorrow morning), I was so mad that every muscle in my body was tense and my blood pressure was up by at least 20 points.

The seemingly obvious answer would be to just go have a friendly little "chit-chat" about the issue and ask how it might be resolved.  Talking things out one-on-one is my way to deal with conflicts, and to me it's the most sensible approach.  But in this particular case that isn't going to work because that person has a host of "I was so busy" excuses, and is in cahoots with a tag-team partner when it comes to retaliation.  In other words if I make waves, they will damn sure rock the boat and I will regret it.  It's easy for them to do, subtle things to make another's job/life difficult.

Option B - I could go to my supervisors and say "Hey, give me hand with this situation." But the reality is that this method hasn't worked in the past, them preferring to not get involved in co-worker issues... maybe unless it comes down to murder?!  It also means that something would have to be said about it, and referring to Option A, I would pay for "causing problems".

Then there is Option C - our off-site manager.  She is my age and far more no-nonsense.  I have no doubt if I emailed her that the subject would be addressed and resolved.  She doesn't mess around when it comes to what she expects of employees.  But... once again, refer to Option A, and as soon as this issue was addressed it would put me directly in the line of fire.  Add to this the ire of supervisors who find themselves caught in the middle of a sticky situation that long since should have been addressed but continues to be ignored. 

Sooo... I can create an incident, even if in appropriate context, and incur the wrath of coworkers for calling them out on their unsportsmanlike conduct, or I can go home angry and scream and yell and cry in frustration.  Or... I can once again take a deep breath,  exhale slowly, and let it go.  I know that ultimately is the easier answer - don't let it get to me, ignore it and carry on.  But I've gotta say... I am so damn sick of a lifetime of "letting it go" when it comes to inconsiderate, ill-mannered people.  I understand why quiet people one day lose it and go "postal", I really do. 

Can anyone explain to me why it is so hard for people to treat each other with kindness and respect?  I am too old for this childish crap.  I wish they were too.  Breathe Josie, breathe!

13 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to this! I am having an issue kind of like that right now, someone who is old enough to know much better is acting like a child and I'm getting tired of always "letting it go" and being the bigger person and walking away. Sometimes it just gets to be too much and I want to cry and pull out my hair and jump up and down screaming!

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    1. This sounds exactly like I'm feeling RCG! I try hard to be the bigger person too,and to rise above pettiness, but sometimes you really do want to punch them in the nose... a wake up call of sorts! ;-)

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  2. It is normal, healthy and very human to feel that way. I would, too. Your performance and character rises above. The powers that be are the ones who matter. It is sad when some people tear others down to try to build themselves up. No, you are way better than that. Thank you for being you. Hug.

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    1. I try to stay true to myself McGuffy Ann, to not sink into the depths of pettiness and being uncooperative. I want to go home at the end of the day and feel like I tried my hardest to do my job and help others with theirs.

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  3. Josie, I wish I had an answer for you. I've dealt with things off and on over the past few years and this is why I'm not much of a people person anymore. At work, I keep to myself, which comes across as a snob, probably, but i find it's best that way. Just the way people are now days makes me want to stay away from any and all. Maybe thats a little extreme, but it works best for me, and some days, I hate that it's this way. I have had to "let it go" so many times and it begins to feel unfair. Not knowing exactly your situation, I feel for you and hope you find resolve. It can be hard, I know, to be in an uncomfortable work environment. The more I've kept to myself, though, the less I deal with. good luck Josie...

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    1. I learned that philosphy years back too Robin, I am friendly with everyone, but stick to my business and keep my outside life to myself. I am also no-nonsense when it comes to getting work done and earning your pay, that's hard for some of the younger folks to relate to.

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  4. Josie wonder if this is work that is being assigned to the other person and you are doing it for them or is it what you all do? Either way I would suggest you document each and everytime this happens and the extent of the work you are doing. As Upper management before I retired I understand the situation and you are between a rock and a hard place but I would want to know these issues as moral and productivity will suffer with this going on. I also understand the retaliation issue fear for you and although illegal it is what it is and your choice to face it or not. Now on a personal level I would be all over that coworker with the "I will no longer do your work for you" concept. Good luck I know it is not easy.

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    1. I am the final step of all outgoing work, Len. So everyone else does there part then passes it on to me for processing. Part of my responsibility, but not at all fair or kind to dump it on me in heaps at the end of the day when it could have been done over a weeks' time. Retaliation in subtle form is a reality of any place I've ever worked, legal or not. I've learned to live with it and it eventually wears itself out.

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  5. UPDATE: When I arrived at work this morning my supervisor/atty asked to speak with me. I was ready and willing for the opportunity, having decided that I would speak up about the issue today. She told me she and her husband were concerned about how quiet I was when I left yesterday, that I am a strong asset to the company and they wouldn't want to lose me. I told her I was quiet because it was either that or say something in anger that I would later regret. I told her what has been occurring with the workload and how hard that makes my Thursdays. She agreed that it was unnecessary and we decided to bring it up at today's weekly ofc mtg. She asked the case mgr if she wanted to have Wed afternoons or Thurs mornings with no appointments so she could prepare the forms with less interruption and have adequate time to get them to me by one or two pm on Thursdays. The room went icy cold and she sullenly chose Thursday mornings, but she did get the point about being a team player. We went on to other issues and I spent the rest of the day being my usual cheerful, cooperative, helpful self. There was retaliation, like the 30 some faxes she dumped on my desk to process this afternoon. But I just made note of it and smiled and sent them out. Not going to let her and her buddy get to me. They will wear out the fun of being buttheads and return to the task at hand... doing our jobs. After thinking about it while writing this post last night I realized it was important to me to speak up, I am past the years of allowing myself to be somebody's doormat, just because they can. None the less, Monday I will be back to business as usual, no resentment, no nastiness. We need to all get along! I have to say that I really don't enjoy working with people all that much for petty reasons just such as this. I do not understand people who intentionally take advantage of others. It's just wrong. Thanks everyone for the concern, encouragement and suggestions. I know I can always come here to clear my head and regain perspective!

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  6. It is hard, Josie. I have not been in a place like you are, ever in all my 44 years of working life. I do know a lady who had a similar problem like yours. Only it was her/our supervisor who was dumping IT on her.

    I always feel bad because I don't know how this was resolved. She was about five years from her desired retirment age and needed her paycheck money badly. But I went off in the other direction (literally) when I got another job myself.
    ..

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    1. Nothing bothers me more in the workplaced than folks who don't play on the team, Jim... and superviors who choose not to notice or deal with it! All will be calm on Monday, but the same issue will reappear again and again in other forms because no one is ever called to account.

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  7. A situation almost exactly like yours just cost me a job! I tried the report it to a supervisor tactic on the first assignment & it didn't work, then at the second assignment I just "went along." In both cases, I got a bad report from the supervisor & so I got canned. I am so tired of letting people walk all over me, I am always the one who ends up paying for it.

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    1. That's exactly the problem Lynda, reporting it often isn't effective (more like a temporary bandaid at best), and not reporting it lets it continue, casting you in a bad light either way. The victim becomes the problem in their eyes. Arrghhh! Most important is to remember to never ever treat anyone you work with unfairly, it's WRONG! I am so sorry you lost your job because of it, that's doubly unfair!

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