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Slipping Into Silence

Susan ended her shift at the hospital in the valley, exhausted after a busy night of caring for the sick and injured in the ER, and headed slowly up the winding mountain road toward the cabin she shared with Kenneth and their two children.  As she rounded a curve her tires hit a patch of ice and the car slid off the edge of the road and landed in a deep snow drift several feet down the mountainside. Since very few people travelled this road at night, she knew her chances of being found were slim, and even more slim if she got out and started walking.  As the snow piled deep on top of Susan's car rendering it barely visible, she cursed the absence of cellphone towers, and decided it was best to wait it out until morning.  Hours later, no longer able to endure the bitter cold, she started  the car's engine and ran the heater for a bit of warmth, thinking sadly about the shouting match she and Kenneth had engaged in that morning, and longing for the sound of his voice as she drifted slowly into slumber in the silence of night.

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I'm linking up with Lillie McFerrin for Five Sentence Fiction where this week, 
in celebration of FSF turning one year old, we were permitted to choose
any prompt from the past year.  I chose to write about "silence".

30 comments:

  1. Nicely done. Definitely has the feel of a dark, cold night of silence.

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    1. Thank you Annie, that's what I was hoping to convey.

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  2. OMG. She has just committed suicide.

    And that regret about the morning argument - so poignant.

    No kidding - if you are lucky enough to share love with someone, cherish every moment.

    Well done, but eeeew.

    JazB

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    1. Well, as an ER nurse she certainly was aware of the risk she was taking in running that heater. Your note about treasuring moments is so true, I make it a point to never depart angry with those I love, wether in person on via email or text. We never know if we will hear their voice again, and how very sad such an ending would be! I know, a bit dark in tone, my fiction tends to go there. :)

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  3. Wow, long sentences but they really flow nicely and never get tangled. It's got a kind of lilting rhythm to it, which does a nice job of capturing the prompt and the mood of night and sleep. Nice job.

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    1. Thank you Brian. I wanted it to provide the feeling of fading into the silence of night.

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    2. I agree with Brian's comment in it's entirety.

      You've done a very nice job on this, Josie.

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  4. Very nice. As an Alaskan, I can sympathize with her plight. And I love that we both chose the same word this week!

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    1. Ah yes, Sharry, anyone who has lived in the snowlands knows the feeling of isolation and the muffling of sound! I'm eager to go see what you did with silence!

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  5. I really enjoy how she sinks into the snowscape, she's invisible as well as inaudible

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    1. Exactly, both figuratively and literally, she fades away!

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  6. Overwhelmingly poignant. definitely shows your dark side too! Love it.

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    1. Thank you Len, my fiction tends to go dark, the flip side of sweet Josie :-)

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  7. Oh this is just beautiful, Josie. Your sentences are wonderfully crafted in such a way that I was completely lost in the scene. Touching and well-written too.

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    1. Thank you Britton, I am humbled by your words.

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  8. This moved me a lot. I can picture the snow and the silence. You created the whole scene really well. WOW. That got to me!

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    1. Thank you Selma, I could feel it as I wrote the words. You really need to participate in Five Sentence Fiction, Selma, you are so very good at writing short stories!

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  9. Such a lonely, sad story with an incredibly poignant ending.

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    1. Yes, that was definitely the tone of this piece. It also carries a message about staying on good terms with those you care about, regret often comes too late.

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  10. Oh crap! Let's hope someone comes and finds her before it's too late eh? I'm all for a happy ending to this story.

    Cheers,

    W.

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    1. My husband agreed with you Wayne, he noted that there needs to be a sequal with the husband coming over the hill in a snowmobile just in time. It could happen, I suppose! :-)

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  11. Oh! Good night, poor lady. I liked how you voiced her regret for the fight. Nicely done!

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    1. Thank you CC! This would be a very sad, lonely way for life to end. Maybe peaceful, but certainly not without regret.

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  12. Sad and despairing, but there really was no choice...

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    1. True Lisa, this was certainly not a situation she wished to find herself in, though I think she gave up too quickly.

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  13. such a sad story. I like to believe in happy endings so I will. Well done,

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    1. Hope is a good thing, Elizabeth, I would like to think someone came in time to rescue her too!

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  14. I had a feeling this story would not end happily. A very stark and moving ending Josie. Impressive.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Andrew. I honestly liked the feel of this piece, I felt the story suited the mood I was trying to create.

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)