I Believe in Rainbows
I believe in rainbows. I wrote that last evening in a comment on my previous post. As I was typing it, something told me to use it as my post topic for today. At that point I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to write about it. Funny how things happen at times that make more sense to us later on...
I work for a law firm that handles Social Security disability claims. Shortly after I arrived at work this morning I received a phone call from one of our clients. We will call her Tonya. She is just a few years younger than me. Tonya told me in a shaky voice that she had attempted to commit suicide on Friday night by taking an overdose of medication. She was taken by ambulance to the local hospital and spent the weekend in ICU. Tonya remembers little of it, and nearly accomplished what she intended to do. Now she's been transferred to a behavioral health services hospital for follow-up care. She says she's not doing too well.
I've met Tonya a couple times when she has come in for appointments, but I don't know her well, and wouldn't be able to pick her out in a room full of people. Yet her call took my breath away. I spoke to her kindly, with as much encouragement as I could convey, then I hung up the phone and cried. I cried for all the calls we've received like this, people who are struggling with huge physical and/or mental issues. I cried for the ones who have been rescued, and for the ones who didn't get help in time. I cried for the friends and loved ones who've attempted to end their lives, and for those who succeeded. I cried for the times in my past when I strongly considered that option. To be in that place is to feel no hope for your life, and to want the pain and suffering to be over. It is a very dark and lonely place.
I wanted to tell Tonya about rainbows... the beautiful band of colors we see arched across the sky after a storm. I want to tell her that rainbows are God's promise to us, that He is always with us, and that life will go on. I want her to know that no matter how hopeless life feels at times and how dark the night is, there is always a sunrise to follow, and in time she will find her way with bright colors returning to her life too.
At one point when I was living with my ex, more existing than living really - and just barely that, I stood outside one evening trying to clear my head and figure out what to do. It had just finished raining and a huge rainbow arched across the sky overhead as the sun peeked back out from the clouds. Within minutes yet another rainbow crossed over the first one directly above me. I took it as a sign that God was there with me, I wasn't all alone.
I didn't know it that night, but the storms raging in my life were soon to be over. God had plans for me more wonderful than I ever could have imagined. Look at my life now! It is indeed a rainbow of peacefulness, laughter, security, and the joy of being loved!
I think back to the other times, years ago, when I didn't think I could endure another day of the life I was trapped in. I had a precious friend who always used to tell me in our late night phone calls that things would change, that it would get better, and to just wait and see. I didn't really believe him, but I wanted to desperately. He was offering me hope, and I held on tight to a tiny corner of it... he was my rainbow. He was also right! My journey was going to take me down more dark roads and many twists and turns before I made back into the sunshine, but if I had chosen to take the shortcut back then, to skip out on the rest of what was planned for me... just look what I would have missed! I would never have known how good it can be, and how very much God loves me.
Yes, I believe in rainbows, and I want you to know that no matter how dark life feels at times, there is always hope. If you just hold on tight, there will be a rainbow after your storm too.