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Sons and Mothers


Sons and mothers... a very special relationship, a very unique bond.  Different from the relationship sons have with their father or daughters have with their mom.  There's a sense of closeness and caring that doesn't change over the years, if anything it grows deeper.  Eventually roles reverse and the son finds himself in the role of being caretaker for the mother who once took care of him.  It is rare to find a grown man who feels ill will toward his mother, unless he grew up in an abusive or neglectful situation that overshadowed love. 

My husband towered over his tiny mother. He became her protector at a very young age.  He saved her life on more than one occasion,  and together they made it thru the worst times of life.  Materially, they had nothing, but when it came to love, there was no doubt.  He will tell you that the saddest day of his life was the day she died. 

I asked him one day when he was sick why it is that men seem to handle sickness and pain less well than women, wanting and needing extra comfort and attention.  He thought about it a few minutes and then replied that it goes back to their memories as a child, of the comfort mom provided whenever they got sick or hurt or something bad happened.  Even as grown men, they cherish those memories, and those tapes replay in times of discomfort.  Mom will always hold a very special place in their heart.  

My son was affectionate when he was small, and has remained caring in every way as he's grown up. He never fails to say kind, loving things, and to thank me for being his mom.  There is nothing he wouldn't do for me, and I know I can count on him to be there if I need him.  One of my treasured memories when he was small was of him often laying on the sofa with his head resting on my lap. It wasn't very many years ago that he was home visiting and watching tv, lounging on the sofa beside me, and before long his head was resting once again in my lap.  It was so sweet I almost cried.

My daughter and I share a wonderfully close relationship, cherished even more because of the teen and early adult years when we struggled to find common ground.  My son and I never had to go thru that identity struggle, the bond between us has always been forged in steel and encased in love.  Even when he lived with his father, the caring between us never diminished.  Having him distant was hell for me, and I know it was hard on him too. But love survived it, love conquers all.

If you are a mother with a son, you are blessed indeed, and if you are a son... remember to let your mom know how much she means to you.  Those words are precious to her heart!

12 comments:

  1. Your posts bless me daily. This one is no different. It reminded me - I GET to experience being Mom to a son, AND Mom to a daughter. It also convicted me too - I used to get so exasperated with my husband in our early years about his inability to handle pain/sickness well. I wasn't always nice about it. I have changed but wow...to put it that way...makes endeared to him, and want to nurture that vulnerable side. Tell Papa Bear 'thank you' for that.

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    1. Thank you Carrie! I often write them as reminders to myself. :-) I am blessed to be mom to both an amazing daughter and an awesome son too, very different relationships, yet both equally precious. My kids have always been my reason for living, and they've grown up to make me incredibly proud.

      I smiled at your comments about your husband in times of pain and sickness. I could have written them! After Papa Bear explained it to me like that, it totally changed my attitude and my exasperation at him being "such a baby"! Funny how sometimes we overlook the little comforts we can provide for each other, such a simple thing to do for love!

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  2. I could say so many things here, but I am a believer in less is more. If you are blessed with a son, you are indeed blessed. If you are blessed with a mother, cherish her. I think sometimes children, even once adult, don't think of their parents as people...but we are. And as kids are growing up, parents are growing older.

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    1. Amen on both counts, Annie. I know that we all have at times forgotten that our parents are real people with thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires of their own, not just "parental units" here for us alone. As I grow older I understand far better what that time was like for my parents and I wish I would have handled it much differently. I suppose each generation has to learn it on their own, but we can share our words and a bit of wisdom and who knows, maybe some might listen! :-)

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  3. I love this. It's so touching. My son is 16. His father and I divorced when he was about 7, and he's always been closer to his father than to me. I feel sometimes, like I am fighting to find my place in his life, though I've been here all along. There are times, though, that he hugs me out of the blue and I almost cry with joy.

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    1. I'm just betting Robin that your son has far more love for you in his heart than you realize or can always see on the surface. Those hugs say it all. Give him a few years, he'll figure out the realities when he's out on his own. My son is super-private, especially with his emotions, but every now and then he tells me how much he realizes what I went thru and how hard I worked to give him and his sister the home and love they deserved. He gets it, and your son will too! I treasure the closeness we share as adults!

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    1. Thank you Shimon! Thinking of my son always warms my heart and makes me smile. :-)

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  5. Beautiful post. My son is two and I hope to have the love we have now for the rest of our lives.

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    1. Thank you Christine! My son had already stolen my heart by the time he was two...he is 33 now and I can still rememer those days so well. I know your son will grow up to be a man you cherish just as much as you do that little boy right now... just taller, with a much deeper voice! :-)

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  6. Very true, Josie. My boys are at that age where they are so protective over me, it's a bit odd at times. I'm just now getting used to it LOL

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    1. It is strangely wonderful, isn't it Elsie! We take care of them for all the early years, and then one day we realize they are looking out for us in return. I am so grateful for that. I know my son and daughter are always there for me, without a doubt, just as I have been for them. That's love of the highest order!

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)