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Mea Culpa


Mea culpa... yes, I am guilty.  I freely admit it.  God has a way of humbling people... sometimes it's almost funny how it happens.

Yesterday I put up a post here.  It started out like this...

"Would you trust me with your child?  Do I strike you as being a poor influence?  Am I of bad moral character or prone to leading small children astray?  Do you think I am dangerous?  No, not really?  I don't see myself that way either.  But it appears that someone does."

You may have read it or noticed it on your list.  Then it disappeared. Why? Because it was a pity party.  It was Josie feeling sorry for herself.  Poor me... poor misunderstood, maligned me.  Yeah, I was feeling a little down in the mouth and was pretty sure that someone was judging me unfairly.  I made an ASSumption... and I made an ass of myself in the process.

After I thought about it for awhile, and a close friend gave me a bit of honest feedback, I realized that it wasn't one of my best writing efforts, nor did it reflect the kind of person I try to be.  I didn't feel very good about it so I pulled it off the blog.  Several people have commented or written to ask me where it went... that's where... gone.  Appropriately banished to terminal draft mode.

Ok, but here's the funny part... so typical of my life that I nearly laughed out loud early this morning when it occured.  Here I am griping in my blog yesterday about someone who I believed was intentionally choosing not to respond to an email I'd sent, being rude.... and what do you think happened?  I received the email response I'd been waiting for all week.

The person I'd been bitching about in yesterday's post had no way of knowing what I'd written.  No one tipped her off that I was getting more than a little miffed at being ignored.  Call it God, call it fate, call it whatever you want, but the timing was uncanny.  She admitted that she had neglected to check her email address, and she apologized for the tardy answer.  She went on to write a very nice response that was genuine, and affirming of what I'd requested. 

I still carry a lot of emotional baggage, though I work hard at ridding myself of it.  I waste no opportunity to replay old tapes in my head that tell me I am bad, unworthy, not someone anyone would want to trust or befriend.  So of course, I listened to those voices and convinced myself  that I was right.  Jump on the rejection bandwagon. Yup... poor, poor pitiful me. 

I WAS WRONG!  I was listening to those negative messages and they were LIES.  They are always lies!  Why am I so quick to buy into them?  It's embarrassing, and worse yet I was thinking some pretty negative thoughts about someone who didn't deserve them.  I feel ashamed about that.  I apologize for the snarky things I said.

The lesson of the day... Give people the benefit of the doubt... don't be so quick to judge them!  Don't be so quick to judge yourself harshly either.  You are worthy, we are all worthy!  Wiping egg off my face now, lesson learned. :-)

13 comments:

  1. I think egg is my signature color more often then not!! You are a fine lady Josie so do not doubt YOU!!

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    1. The timing on this one was more than coincidental, Janice. It made me laugh. I need to keep a lid on my paranoia! :-))

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  2. Well! I thought you pulled your post down just so I couldn't read it! Then I wrote a nasty post about you....glad I took it down.

    Yes. I'm that way a LOT. I don't give much rope to other people and you just made me realize that.

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    1. Hahaha, you are a treat Lotta Joy, yoou always make me smile! I do find myself expecting people to behave badly, and expecting them to think badly of me... wrong thinking for sure. I need to work on it!

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  3. I don't know what any of this is about. Why you mad at me? the rat

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    1. LOL Rat, it wasn't about you at all! It was just me thinking something was happening in a relationship that wasn't happening, I was letting my imagination cloud my perspective. I'm not mad at you, Silly Rat! :-)

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  4. I'm that way too a lot, thank you for reminding me!

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    1. I needed the reminder too, Eva, making mountains out of molehills in my mind. I am grateful for friends who helped me rethink it, and then came to find out I was wrong all along, everything was fine. :-)

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  5. You are human. You react the way you were trained to react. It's the old Pavlov's Dog theory. The lesson is that you can teach an old dog new tricks. While you cannot control what others do, you can control the way you react to them. You are only responsible for your own feelings, whether you put them out there or protect them. But so are they responsible for theirs. We all have consequences.

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    1. You are absolutely right, as always, Annie. Sometimes I let my emotional reactions overrule common sense, and that's where I usually get into trouble. It's not wrong to feel concern or hurt or even rejection, but it's not good to assume that's the situation until you know for certain that it really is. We expect other people to react in a specific manner, and when they don't it unnerves us. I've set a goal to be less "combustible"!:-)

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  6. Very glad it worked out. You don't have to be so hard on yourself. It was a learning experience. And if you learned something from it, then it really worked out.

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    1. I'm really glad it worked out too, Shimon. Ultimately, that's what I wanted. What I learned is that my assumptions about other people are often off the mark, and I need to watch that more carefully. It's not good to judge people unfairly, or to be too hard on ourselves. I really did have to smile at the irony of it!

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  7. I can be a judgmental ass a lot! Hugs!!

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)