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The Green-Eyed Monster


The "green-eyed monster"... yes, you know the one I'm talking about... jealousy. I don't get it, I really don't.  When someone I care about does something good or has something good happen to them, I am happy, truly happy for them... I want to join them in celebrating! 

Some folks aren't like that though.  They are so egocentric that if it's not all about them they can't be happy.  They are either totally disinterested, or they have to find a way to steal a bit of the glory for themselves.  I bet you've had it happen, I know I have.... something awesome happens in your life, and you can't wait to share it... and the folks you thought were your friends were totally non-impressed.  Worse yet, you might have heard one or two of them saying something negative about it to another so-called friend.  

That happened when I met John.  The few really true friends I had, the ones who loved me deeply, were 100% supportive and delighted that I had FINALLY found a really good man in my life to love me.  They knew where I'd come from and what a wonderful change this would be for me.  But then there were a few who just couldn't deal with my happiness.  Maybe their own lives weren't looking so great, so they didn't want mine being better than theirs.  I even overheard one comment, "Why her of all people, what would he see in her?"  At the time it crushed me. I wondered if maybe they were right, maybe I didn't deserve anyone or anything really special in my life.  Now I know better and I laugh at such pathetic backstabbers.

Then there are the "friends" that aren't satisfied with just ignoring your good fortune, they have to find a way to get that spotlight back onto them. Attention hogs (or worse names I've heard it referred to lately).  It's gotta be all about them.  Reminds me of two sisters, the older one beautiful, the younger one nicer but not as glamorous.  The beautiful one has boys swarming around her, and she delights in all the attention.  She wants for nothing.  The plainer one garners no attention.  She stands in the shadow of her sister's sun. 

Then one day she meets a nice boy of her own, and they grow close.  She's  in love, at last she has someone special!  She can't wait to share this exciting news with her big sister!  But the older sister isn't very congratulatory.  In fact she isn't at all content with this latest development.  She exerts all of her charm, and manages to steal the nice boy away from her sister, breaking the sister's heart. Is it because she finds the boy so amazing and superior to the others that are courting her? Of course not, in reality she could care less about the boy but has to win no matter what the cost. A sad situation, truly.

If you want to know who your real friends are in life, watch the way they react when something good happens to you.  Are they cheering for you all the way?  Or are they quiet, or maybe saying things to devalue your success?  If they try to horn in on your victory or steal your hard-won prize, look out! Maybe they aren't such good friends after all!  And don't forget to be a good friend, yourself.  If something wonderful happens to someone you care about, find it it your heart to be truly happy for them, even if you  might secretly wish it would have happened to you. 

Cast love out into the world, it will without a doubt return to you!

37 comments:

  1. This is a great post but let's talk about me.

    :)

    I know the people you speak of and I delight in making them as miserable as I can.

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    1. Ha! Monkey, you make me laugh! It is interesting to see just how agitated they can become if they loose that spotlight. I had one coworker who hated every new person we hired if other people liked the new one. Simply because they might steal some of her butt-kissing fans!

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    2. I can totally relate and would share a similar experience but I'd feel like one of the people you were writing about.

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    3. Monkey, I am following you.

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    4. Silly Monkey, you will never (well... hardly ever) be one of the people I am talking trash about, and if I have a bone to pick with you I say it to your face!

      Annie, you will love following The Ranting Monkey, he is not to be taken lightly or at face value. Read his Interview in his side-bar for further confirmation!

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  2. As a little girl, my daughter had a neighbor who was flush with toys. My daughter wasn't, but the one day she had a beach ball, the neighbor wouldn't rest until she had succeeded in getting it into HER yard.

    As an adult, I've noticed that ONLY the ones who TRULY love us can share in our happiness. If there's jealously, there's a severe lacking in true love.

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    1. That story is all too common Lotta Joy, and not only in children. You are so right, if we truly love someone, their joy is our joy, and nothing makes us happier than when something good happens for them.

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    2. It's sad, but true. As you grow older you see it happen over and over again. There are some people who just HAVE to say or do something to take away your joy.

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    3. I agree with you Susan, they seem to feed on bringing others down, that must be a very sad way to live, you couldn't like yourself very much, if you spend your energy trying to block out the sun!

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  3. I can't stand these kind of people. Problem is, I'm not so sure if I'm not one of them. I don't try to steal attention, nor do I say negative things. I am happy when my friends have good news. Problem is, I find myself becoming really jealous at their good fortune. I often think to myself, "if anybody deserves a break it's me."

    Nothing good ever comes my way, always to the person next to me!

    I try my best to be a good friend and more often than not I demonstrate it quite well. But I can't help but wonder if my thoughts make me less...

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    1. I know you to be a good person with a good heart Dan! I think all of us feel a twinge of envy at the times when it feels like nothing is going right in our lives and everybody else is on a winning streak. What I've learned is that the more we focus on others, the more often good things start coming our way. It sounds convoluted, but it works. What we send out, we get back. If we think negative, negative finds us. I think it's time for you to make a list of blessings, come up with at least one daily! No matter how hopeless things feel at times (and believe me I've BEEN THERE), you have blessings in your life. I can think of some short ones running around the house for a start, and a good cooler for your beer! Life would be harder without that! Don't beat yourself up. We are a work in progress, not one of us has reached perfection yet... although I am amazingly close! (Yeah, right :-))

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  4. This is a great post! There are so many truths in here. You said it all so well. I hope people will take it to heart.
    You are inspiring & awesome. Thanks for sharing & caring, as always.

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    1. Thank you Annie! What I do hope is that the next time folks hear about something good happening, they will remember to celebrate it! Their turn will come if they do! Begrudging others is a sad way to go thru life. As Max Ehrmann said "for always there will be those greater and lesser than yourself". Jealousy breeds conflict, and the world sure doesn't need more of that!

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    2. I very much agree. It is senseless & hurtful.
      I believe in karma, and treating others the way you want to be treated. It hurts me when people don't.

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    3. I believe in karma too, Annie, our lives are all interwoven, what we give out returns to us, good or bad. I think some people don't see themselves clearly, they don't realize how self-focused their true motives are.

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  5. MY MY MY JOSIE...THIS WAS PERFECT TIMING AND SO WELL WRITTEN MY DAUGHTER IS REALLY GOING THROUGH THE JEALOUSY THING RIGHT NOW WITH HER BF'S SISTER, MY DAUGHTER JUST HAD A BABY IN MARCH & HER BF'S SISTER HAS BEEN TRYING TO GET PREGNANT FOR A YEAR (she is married her brother is not) SO WHEN HER NEPHEW ARRIVED SHE CAN NOT EVEN BRING HERSELF TO SEE HIM ASK ABOUT HIM OR THE 1 TIME AT EASTER THEY ALL WERE TOGETHER SHE DID NOT EVEN HOLD HIM :(( MY DAUGHTER IS CRUSHED SHE SEES HOW BADLY THIS EFFECTS HER BF & IT IS CAUSING SO MANY ARGUMENTS WITH HER AND THE BF I AM SERIOUSLY WORRIED FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP. AND SHE IS NOW PREGNANT HERSELF BUT DUE TO HER THUNDER BEING STOLEN SHE IS NOT GETTING OVER IT. SHE WANTED TO BE FIRST. I MY SELF HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE TO TRY & CELEBRATE JOYS FOR EVERYONE. THERE IS GOOD IN ALL THINGS WE JUST HAVE TO LOOK FOR IT...THE PRIZE IN THE CEREAL BOX WAS NEVER AT THE TOP!!

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    1. I have seen the baby envy thing too, Janice, and it is just heartbreaking. How can anyone feel resentment when it comes to tiny miracles entering the world? It's like little girls and dolls... she has one, I don't. Only it's real life and such reactions really cause a lot of hurt, just like you say. I've known girls who got pregnant intentionally, just because their sister did and they were envious of the attention the new baby was getting. Wow, great reason to create a child - not!! I LOVE your final comment and will rmember it, indeed the prize in the cereal box... or in life, is never at the top, you have to dig deeper! Wonderful, you have it right!

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    2. I sometimes get sad-envious, but not usually hateful angry envious. But even if I'm experiencing sad-envy I think I'm usually still happy for the people involved. :)

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    3. Ooops lol I accidentally jumped into a conversation!

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    4. It's all one big conversation group here, Lady in Red, feel free to pop in anywhere! :-) I do that sometimes too. I've seen you being very supportive and encouraging on your blog, I don't think you have any worries about the way you treat people. You have a very kind and caring heart. Sometimes we all feel a bit of sadness when someone gets something we wish we had too, it's human. It's when we let it get to us and how we treat them that it grows into a problem!

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    5. Josie, that is exactly what I think! We are human, and we all have feelings. It becomes a problem when we put others down to build ourselves up. If we hurt someone, it is wrong. In reality, that only lessens who we are. Sad.

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  6. The expression "misery loves company" is oh so clear in moments like that. Some people just can't stand that others might be happy if they're not.

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    1. That is sadly so true Kellie, it should work the other way... we should be trying to uplift people instead of dragging them back down. Hopefully we'll all try hard to do that!

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  7. The sister's boyfriend was a scumbag in nice guy's clothing. People can't steal people. If he loved the lesser sister, the more attractive sister could not have "stolen" him. It was HE who was not worthy.

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    1. Well I'd have to agree with you there Anonymous, if he leaves the nice sister for the not so nice one, he pretty much deserves what he gets, and we know she'll be dumping him as soon as the next interest comes along! He is not a hero in my eyes either. If you love someone, truly, you don't let your heart stray!!

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  8. This is very true, give out good, get good in return.

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    1. That's the recipe for a good life, Kristi, and it is that famous "Golden Rule"... do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What you do to them will come back to you someday, and there's some folks I really wouldn't want to be in that case!! :-)

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  9. I have experienced jealousy first hand and it's true what you say, in such circumstances you find out who your true friends are. Some people really just find it hard to be glad for others. It's a shame because sharing in the joys of others is one of the nicest things in life!

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    1. So very true, Selma. I've known a couple folks who've had very difficult childhood's and not great lives as adults either, and for them it's tough to see beyond what they haven't had, and still be glad for someone who good happens to. I continue to believe that if we uplift others and add our smiles to their day, it will come back to our life and we all benefit in the end. Pity parties really accomplish little in the way of making one feel much better about their lot in life. It isn't what happens, it's how we learn to dea with it that really matters. Gotta keep moving on, no matter what, and not get stuck in the too bads and what ifs.

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  10. A very interesting post, Josie. I suspect we've all come face to face with that green eyed monster at one time or another. And, yes, it is so important to BE a good friend. My mom always used to quote "As ye sow, so shall ye reap." True words.

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    1. True words indeed, Janice! Nothing is sadder than someone who has put their heart into a relationship, only to have the other person treat them with selfishness and disregard. It can't be all take and no give, it has to work both ways!

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  11. Yes, just be the first amongst your long standing single friends to get engaged. after only dating a year no less (to their 5-7 years plus living together in high hopes) ....and Long Distance at that. yep...you'll find out who is really happy for you No Doubt!!
    And do make sure you find out before you let any of them do your hair and make up on your wedding day. cause those pics are forever.

    great post!

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    1. Ooh, this does indeed sound like an ugly situation, and that you might just be speaking from personal appearance! When I met Papa Bear I was truly surprised by some of the people who were delighted for my good fortune and some of the "friends" I thought I had who could not contain their jealousy enough to even be happy for me, although they knew what my life had been like before and should have been shouting the good news from the rooftops! I think it's really quite sad when people can't see beyond their own lives and be happy for others when good things happen.

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  12. I have known so many people who are like that. One friend, well now ex-friend, would complain about me to anyone who would listen, while never complaining in front of me. For years I did not believe she did this but then so many people kept telling me the same thing. I just quietly stopped being her friend and to this day she has no idea that I knew what she was doing. I guess I should have believed it of her because when she had a baby shower and no one showed up except for me, and the girl co-hosting it with me and a few of my family members who I had to beg to show up, well this should have been a clue of how others felt about her. But then I found out that she would bad mouth everyone else as much as she did me and that is why no one showed up. So sad because she could have had a lot of friends. And I will not say how many others I know who somehow think I do nothing right. Not one of them will read my blogs and tell me that I am just wasting my time. I wonder how they know this if they never read it. I thankfully choose to ignore them and when they invite me to go with them anywhere I just politely say that I cannot make it. Two wrongs do not make a right and so I will always be polite to them, I just don't have to be near them.

    It is nice to read that you went on to have a wonderful relationship and may you continue to enjoy your life to the best of your abilities. In many ways we truly can only be responsible for ourselves and the choices we make. Thank goodness you chose happiness.

    Thanks for sharing such a thought provoking post with us for this weeks Theme Thursday. Envy is probably one of the ugliest colors of green but we can always learn to make it beautiful. Have a fantastic weekend filled with lots of love.

    God bless.

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    1. Nothing is sadder to me, or harder to deal with, than a "friend" who is friendly to your face, but runs you down behind your back. I applaud you from walking away from that, true friends don't do it! I also have friends - and family - who do not understand my writing passion or my blogging and make fun of it, having no interest at all. I've decided it's their loss because I share more of me here than they know of me or ever will. Thank you for stopping by with such a nice, supportive comment!

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  13. this was a very thougtful and well written article. We have all dealt with the green eyed monster...I just mark it on the wall as "human nature" and move on. I make it a point to never mention it if the oppertunity presents itself...it drives that type of people nuts when you act like it never happened or their reactions are not important enough to care about.
    sorry it took awhile to read and respond your post but I took a short vacation...no computers, no phone...only me...my wife and a green green river...

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    1. Thank you GS, you make a great point, sometimes ignoring boorish behavior is the best revenge, it does drive the offender nuts if no one takes note of their obnoxious self! I noted that you had disappeared this weekend, and am delighted to know that and the wife shut down the toys and went of to do something fun. Life ALWAYS trumps blogging, as it should!

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)