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I Am Free


Saturday morning finds me in my usual place, in my rocking chair in front of my laptop, catching up on blog reading and trying to write with my arms stretched over Stormy, the sleeping elder cat curled up in my lap. I can't bear to put him down, he so loves to snuggle in and snooze. Ahhh to live the life of my cats! :-)

It's time for another round of Six Word Saturday, and this is what's on my mind...

Freedom Is Not Just Another Word

Being an Aquarian, and true to my sign, I am freedom-loving to the point of passion, maybe even obsession. I don't do well with arbitrary limitations or heavy-handed control on my life. I have had way too much of it.  "Don't tell me what to do" I will shout in anger, "Ask me, but don't tell me!"

My friend Elsie commented on a recent post that she knows how much I cherish my freedom.  I suppose it's fairly obvious in my writing that freedom means a great deal to me, in fact it means everything.  Lines from old poems I wrote years ago, spring to mind...
"I remember watching Autumn thru wire-covered windows... Then and now, I do not know I will ever be free of the restrictions placed upon my life" - from a  poem about a time of confinement.

"But I will live and someday may be free" - from a poem regarding  the mindset of my first husband, and the obsessions which killed him.

I was looking thru some blog posts from years back, and I noted how often I spoke of freedom in those days...

"Freedom came with a heavy price" - about the months after leaving my ex-husband.

"Free at last" - when bankruptcy proceedings which consumed my life and took well over a year were finally concluded.

"My boss released the balloons outside... free... like me!"  - following my final day of work at a job I held for 19 long years.

In fact, when I ran a search of my old blog, the words free or freedom appeared in over 40 different posts!  It can safely be said that freedom is precious to me.  But there have been times when I wondered if freedom truly is, as the song said, "Just another word for nothing left to lose".  The struggle to regain myself, my identity, my very soul, meant losing nearly everyone and everything I once loved.  Freedom does indeed come with price, but it is worth every penny of it!

My life now is more free than it ever was... I am free from abusive ex-spouses; I am free from job environments that destroyed my desire to give all that I had to give;  I am free from constant financial worry;  I am free from living in a place owned and controlled by someone else;  I am free from the noise and chaos of crowded living situations;  I am free from needing to pretend to be something I'm not; I am free from the guilt of my past; I am free to express my thoughts and feelings here without fear of repercussion; I am free to love, and I am free to be loved. I am free to love myself!

Yes, there are days and times when I feel the stress of being limited by time, money, or necessity. I can't do everything I want to do, I can't refrain from doing everything I don't really want to do; but when I review the list above I realize that I am ever so much more free than I once was, much more than I ever thought I would be.  Truly, I am blessed.  Freedom is a  precious gift, cherish it... I do!

25 comments:

  1. I haven't been with you from the very beginning of your blogging days, but I know enough to understand that you've come a very long way in your journey to freedom and also understand how much you cherish it's gift =)

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    1. That is so very true, from years of my life when I believed I would live in that hell until I died, I look at my life now and smile... I made it, I am free!

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  2. Ahhh, I can tell your age by the line from the Kristoferson song. Ya gotta love it!

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    1. There was a time in my young adult life when I woke up every single morning to the sound of someone singing and playing Bobby McGee on his guitar. It is a good memory, and yes, I am that old... and proud of it! :-)

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  3. Freedon is not free, whether military or personal.

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    1. So true my Anonymous friend, nothing worth having is ever really free, but often the price to be paid is well worth the prize.

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  4. I love freedom too. Even the small expressions of it like being able to walk along the beach at night... that was so nice!

    You mention at the end of your post a few things which you feel hampers your freedom:

    "Yes, there are days and times when I feel the stress of being limited by time, money, or necessity. I can't do everything I want to do, I can't refrain from doing everything I don't really want to do"

    However, to me all these points represent freedom. I'm not sure how to express this really - but I guess what I mean is that these things all go hand in hand with freedom - and so are somehow a part of it. Does that make any sort of sense? lol

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    1. I can understand why you so enjoyed your visit to the beach Bozo, with more freedom than you typically have in your everyday life. I used to live for the times I would go away for a week by myself to visit the my friends on the rez in Dakota... for that short time I felt wonderfully free!

      What you say about things that go hand in hand with freedom is true, there are always responsibilities that come with benefits, things we must put up with in order to have other things we want. By contract to my past, these are minor restrictions, well - except for never having enough time. I really struggle with that one!

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    2. Yes, that's pretty much what I meant - you do have a way with words!

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  5. I AM SO HAppy for you and your found freedom embrace it so many do not know what is like to be a kept person whether emotional or physical so dance and drink in the joys of freedom!! New follower

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    1. Janice, welcome to my blog, I'm happy to meet you! You are right that one who has experienced the feeling of being trapped in any relationship or situation against their will and desire will treasure the joy of freedom, and I do!

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  6. Bing keeps me centered. She is a world traveler and has seen conditions that made her rant against those who don't appreciate their freedom. She keeps me on the straight and narrow when I get too bitchy about the difficulty of my life.

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    1. So true Maria, whenever we begin to feel sorry for ourselves, or thing we've had tough lives, along comes someone with a story that quickly sets us straight. Having been where it was hard to even want to live, I relish the freedom I have now in my life with John. I know you love Bing like that too... puzzle pieces that fit! :-)

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  7. wonderful six words and I'm sure a great feeling to be FREE!! enjoy the rest of your weekend :)

    betty

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    1. Hi Betty! Freedom is indeed a wonderful word! A lot of people talk about freedom, but value what it means. I hope they never find out what it is like to lose theirs!

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  8. Freedom is something so many people do not really understand and not because they are not free but because they are free and because of that they take it for granted it is just the way they are the way the live.......many people feel trapped I am not one of them thankfully.......what a great post this was

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    1. Exactly Jo-Anne, to appreciate anything deeply, we must know what the opposite feels like. Restriction and confinement of any kind are the hardest things on me, I crave freedom like I crave fresh air! I'm glad you liked the post!

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  9. Love this, and the undercurrent of determination and perseverance that rings your freedom song. You are an inspiration for many still waiting for their bell to sound.

    Blessings!

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    1. Perseverence... having the courage to hang on in belief there can be a better day, a better life. NEVER give up hope... that IS my message! I nearly gave up so many times, and I am SO THANKFUL that I didn't, that some tiny spark of hope convinced me that I wanted to live. I felt so lost and abandoned then, now I've found home! I believe this can happen for anyone who wants it badly enough.

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  10. I am still seeking freedom because I am shackled to a certain extent (mainly financially) - it is weighing me down. I long for the day when I can fly like a little bird out of my cage. That will be awesome. So glad you have found freedom, Josie. There is nothing like it!

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    1. Oh Selma, I know how difficult that is! Trying to cover expenses was a nightmare when my ex was out of work more than he wasn't. Nowdays John and I live very carefully, we don't have excess money for sure, but we are able to cover our expenses and enjoy a few fun things too, that is all I ask for. Worrying about finances can be so emotionally draining, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for better days ahead. When that burden of worry is lifted, you will indeed feel like you can fly!

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  11. Lovely post, Josie. I left my job and the accompanying career about 18 months ago to pursue things that make me happy. For the first year, I didn't really cherish that freedom but since the start of this year, I'm so grateful for it. I think it's really interesting that you found those words in so many of your posts - very cool.

    Thanks for playing 6WS!

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    1. Freedom from the confinements of work is like a breath of fresh air Cate, even if I only get to experience it on the weekends for now! It's true that we appreciate things so much more if we've struggled to reach them. I'm glad you are doing what makes you happy now, life should always be like that!

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  12. So true - FREEDOM. Just writing the word increases my joy.

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    1. Me too! It's a very precious word indeed! :-)

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)