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The Unknown


I awoke in a state of anxiety this morning, I could feel it beginning to stir last night. For the past month my stresses have been minor, with the exception of concerns about finding a job, and for the most part I could hide out from the world. I love being home by myself where it is quiet and safe and I feel in control.  Tomorrow that changes.

First day on a new job... intimidating.  I know it shouldn't be.  My rational mind says it will go ok, I will do fine, and I actually anticipate that I will end up liking the job once I learn what is required of me and how to do it properly.  But anxiety isn't rational, it comes from deep fears about anything and everything that could go wrong.

I've noted before that I was raised on fear. In their efforts to protect me and keep me on the straight and narrow, my parents instilled a healthy unhealthy fear in me about trying anything new... danger was always lurking just around the corner waiting to devour me.  I've struggled to deal with that all of my life. I am much more comfortable in situations where I know exactly what is going to happen or what is expected of me. It's not that I don't like a bit of adventure or experiencing something new, it's just that it also frightens me.

What should I pack for lunch?  What should I wear? Will I remember to take everything I need? Will I park in the right place? Will I get there on time?  Will I look like a bumbling idiot?  Fears swirl around in my head making my muscles tense and my breathing difficult.  Funny, it's not really a fear of the actual job, but of all the details. 

Now the weather forecast is for heavy snow all night with hazardous driving in the morning.  Lovely... another thing to fear... snow packed roads for the 20 mile trip to work. We have had dry weather since Christmas, but tomorrow it will surely be nasty.  I will have to clean off the car before I leave and play slip n' slide into town. I will need to leave earlier. It figures.

And I have a sore throat... again.  It had finally cleared up after nearly four weeks, but returned a couple days ago.  Just lovely, that will make everything extra fun.

This is how anxiety builds and wraps itself around you in a stranglehold. I wish I could crawl under the blankets and skip today entirely... wake up tomorrow morning and find myself already safe at work.  But that isn't going to happen, so I need to work on getting the anxiety under control.

Think positive thoughts, make a list of what I need to take, get organized, distract myself, avoid caffeine, get to bed early.  Realize that I have gone thru so much worse and come out on top.  This is just one scary day of my life, from there it gets easier.  I'll get thru it, I realize that I will.

Above all, I need to remember to relax and breathe... slowly, and to open myself to the energy that the Universe holds which will empower me to face the day confident and smiling. It will be ok... I will be ok.

5 comments:

  1. Good luck and best wishes on your first day in your new job. You will do great!

    I can relate to the anxiety. It's Sunday night and I have a deadline tomorrow at 8:30 AM which requires me to do a bit of analysis, but instead of working I have been putting it off all weekend.

    Hugs.

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  2. Do what you can to get ready and then forget about it.

    I know, easier said than done.

    At times like those, I play a video game or watch South Park, both offer me the distractions I need to help time slip by.

    I have no doubt you will have a wonderful day once it gets here.

    Smile lady, your future is bright and begins in a few short hours. :)

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  3. Yes my dear friend... Breathe.

    Slowly and deeply.

    The universe is with you. The Universe wants you to succeed. It's in the best interest of the Universe that you do succeed.

    Breathe my friend.

    you are more than okay.

    You are amazing!

    Hugs -- and have a wonderful first day on your new job. They're going to see very quickly how smart they were to hire you.

    Shine on!

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  4. Thank you all for the encouraging remarks. The day actually went really well! Looking forward to tomorrow!

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  5. How I can relate to those worries about details. Make a list of what you will need. I did that all the time, even though my husband made fun of my lists. I had to have them to help me relax. I know you are going to do well on your new job.

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)