Pages

S is for Sorry


This week's Write A Letter Wednesday prompt is to "write a letter of apology."  That ties in nicely with my "S" word for the A-Z Blogging Challenge.  What follows is an excerpt from a post I wrote back in October of 2007 - a series of  mini apology notes, some of them with a twist. Re-reading it four and a half years later, I realize that I was carrying a lot more guilt and resentment than I am now, although I will readily admit that some of the sentiments expressed still hold true. :-)

"What else can I say? All apologies..."

To my Creator... I am sorry that my faith is not as strong as it should be. I am sorry that I am sometimes unable to trust You when I am in pain.

To my Father... I am sorry that I disappointed you, and failed to live up to the person I could have been. I am sorry that you were never able to feel proud of who I am.

To my Mother... I am sorry that we never did find a way to really talk to each other, before it was too late to talk. I am sorry that you didn't understand my way of seeing and doing things.

To my Older Sister... I am sorry that I didn't stop you the first time you attacked me, before you went too far. I am sorry that you are hurting so much inside that you lash out at others.

To my Younger Sister... I am sorry that I ran away from home, and left you to handle the important years on your own. I am sorry that I too often still leave you to handle things alone.

To Tony... I am sorry that I didn't get to know you better. I think that we could have made amazing friends. I am sorry for the drugs and pain that took your life.

To Donny... I am sorry that I believed you. I am sorry that I was so desperate for love that I was willing to believe anything.

To My First Husband... I am sorry that you were hurt so badly as a child that you were emotionally damaged beyond repair. I am sorry that the first time you struck your daughter as a baby I didn't take her and run.

To my Second Husband... I am sorry that I ever married you in the first place, when deep down you really didn't want me, and I knew it. I am sorry that I didn't stop you from treating me the way you did.

To Kevin... I am sorry that I took advantage of your friendship and caring, and couldn't be what you wanted. I am sorry that the one time I asked for help that was easily within your means to provide, you refused me.

To Ken... I am sorry that I cared too much about you. I am sorry that I couldn't save you from yourself. I am sorry that I didn't realize at the time you were using me.

To Ricky... I am sorry that I didn't believe you when you said that I would always be #3 in your life. I am sorry that I couldn't find the way to make our marriage work. I am sorry that I still care for you after everything you did to me.

To My Daughter... I am sorry for for the father that abused you, and for the step-father that didn't believe you. I am sorry for not always being a mother that you could turn to when you most needed one. I am sorry that I can't find a way to take away your pain.

To My Son... I am sorry that I let you go live with your father, even though I thought it would be best for you. I'm sorry he lied to you about the reasons behind it. I am sorry that you didn't
 to experience what it was like to grow up in a stable, happy home. I am sorry that I don't get to see you more often now.

To Sidekick... I am sorry that no matter how hard I tried to get along, you tried harder to cause me problems. I am sorry, sometimes, that I didn't smack you the first time... that would have resolved things one way or another. I am sorry for whatever pain makes you act this way.

To The Children In Dakota I Love... I am sorry that I couldn't be there for you, I know you needed me. I am sorry your lives have to be so difficult, and sometimes so cruel. I am sorry that I can't steal you all away.


To Old Friends... I am sorry that it seems like I have walked away from you. You are never far from my heart. I wish you could understand that I am doing all I can do right now, and I wish that I had more time to spend keeping up with you.

To New Friends... I am sorry that my days aren't longer and my energy isn't stronger. If I could have a magic power, it would be to stay in touch with each of you every single day. I am sorry that sometimes I seem indifferent to your needs. In many ways you are my salvation.

To One Who Cares... I am sorry that I sometimes let my fears and insecurities overtake me. I am sorry that you didn't come into my life fifteen years ago.

To Myself... I am sorry that I don't take better care of you. I am sorry that I didn't choose a path that would let your full potential shine. I am sorry that I have made it so difficult for you to survive... but, most days, I am glad that you are still alive!

6 comments:

  1. I think we all live with some regrets.
    But a lot of things that we go through makes us into the people we are today.

    I really like this.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your words bring tears to my eyes.

    Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  3. It has a musical quality to it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. WOW these are amazing! Words surely have power in them in writing to those we need to make amends to or vice a versa. WOW! Is all I can say. SUCH POWER!
    Blessings

    ReplyDelete
  5. This was so powerful Josie. You have inspired me to write my own, thank you!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)