This week's Write A Letter Wednesday prompt is to "write a letter of apology." That ties in nicely with my "S" word for the A-Z Blogging Challenge. What follows is an excerpt from a post I wrote back in October of 2007 - a series of mini apology notes, some of them with a twist. Re-reading it four and a half years later, I realize that I was carrying a lot more guilt and resentment than I am now, although I will readily admit that some of the sentiments expressed still hold true. :-)
To my Creator... I am sorry that my faith is not as strong as it should be. I am sorry that I am sometimes unable to trust You when I am in pain.
To my Father... I am sorry that I disappointed you, and failed to live up to the person I could have been. I am sorry that you were never able to feel proud of who I am.
To my Mother... I am sorry that we never did find a way to really talk to each other, before it was too late to talk. I am sorry that you didn't understand my way of seeing and doing things.
To my Older Sister... I am sorry that I didn't stop you the first time you attacked me, before you went too far. I am sorry that you are hurting so much inside that you lash out at others.
To my Younger Sister... I am sorry that I ran away from home, and left you to handle the important years on your own. I am sorry that I too often still leave you to handle things alone.
To Tony... I am sorry that I didn't get to know you better. I think that we could have made amazing friends. I am sorry for the drugs and pain that took your life.
To Donny... I am sorry that I believed you. I am sorry that I was so desperate for love that I was willing to believe anything.
To My First Husband... I am sorry that you were hurt so badly as a child that you were emotionally damaged beyond repair. I am sorry that the first time you struck your daughter as a baby I didn't take her and run.
To my Second Husband... I am sorry that I ever married you in the first place, when deep down you really didn't want me, and I knew it. I am sorry that I didn't stop you from treating me the way you did.
To Kevin... I am sorry that I took advantage of your friendship and caring, and couldn't be what you wanted. I am sorry that the one time I asked for help that was easily within your means to provide, you refused me.
To Ken... I am sorry that I cared too much about you. I am sorry that I couldn't save you from yourself. I am sorry that I didn't realize at the time you were using me.
To Ricky... I am sorry that I didn't believe you when you said that I would always be #3 in your life. I am sorry that I couldn't find the way to make our marriage work. I am sorry that I still care for you after everything you did to me.
To My Daughter... I am sorry for for the father that abused you, and for the step-father that didn't believe you. I am sorry for not always being a mother that you could turn to when you most needed one. I am sorry that I can't find a way to take away your pain.
To My Son... I am sorry that I let you go live with your father, even though I thought it would be best for you. I'm sorry he lied to you about the reasons behind it. I am sorry that you didn't to experience what it was like to grow up in a stable, happy home. I am sorry that I don't get to see you more often now.
To Sidekick... I am sorry that no matter how hard I tried to get along, you tried harder to cause me problems. I am sorry, sometimes, that I didn't smack you the first time... that would have resolved things one way or another. I am sorry for whatever pain makes you act this way.
To The Children In Dakota I Love... I am sorry that I couldn't be there for you, I know you needed me. I am sorry your lives have to be so difficult, and sometimes so cruel. I am sorry that I can't steal you all away.
To Old Friends... I am sorry that it seems like I have walked away from you. You are never far from my heart. I wish you could understand that I am doing all I can do right now, and I wish that I had more time to spend keeping up with you.
To New Friends... I am sorry that my days aren't longer and my energy isn't stronger. If I could have a magic power, it would be to stay in touch with each of you every single day. I am sorry that sometimes I seem indifferent to your needs. In many ways you are my salvation.
To One Who Cares... I am sorry that I sometimes let my fears and insecurities overtake me. I am sorry that you didn't come into my life fifteen years ago.
To Myself... I am sorry that I don't take better care of you. I am sorry that I didn't choose a path that would let your full potential shine. I am sorry that I have made it so difficult for you to survive... but, most days, I am glad that you are still alive!