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Weekend Wrap Up

You might have noticed that my posting and commenting has been somewhat limited this week. It wasn't by choice... it never is. It's been on of those full-tilt stressful weeks that leaves me feeling a little frazzled, like I'm being pulled in too many directions and there's not enough of me to cover the spread.

Do you ever feel like you're not making the grade in any area, not really getting it right, keeping folks happy, or even yourself satisfied, no matter how hard you try? Or maybe you're just not trying hard enough, or maybe you're just too tired or defeated to try harder. All of the above apply to this week.

I find myself wondering in amazement how it is that I used to manage to be so organized, when the kids were still at home... clean house, meals on the table, work running smoothly... and still managed to find time and energy for walking and reading and craft work and such. How did I do that?? Is it just because I'm older and it all takes longer, or is it all that much harder, or what??? I'm confused, and admittedly frustrated with myself for not being able to pull it together!

Yeah, I know, I'm being hard on myself. I'm trying most days and I'm doing ok, but there is so much more I want to do, feel needs to be done. I want to do i well... not just ok. I want the feedback that I'm doing better than ok too. In some situations, the powers that be aren't the kind to say that very often. More likely it will be pointed out the one thing you didn't do instead of the ten you did. It feels defeating. That's how I feel at times, just plain defeated.

Ok, now that I'm done venting. The realities of my life at the moment are such that it does take most of my waking hours just for work and the few domestic chores I accomplish, along with helping the hubby a bit as he hobbles around on a walker while recovering from surgery. I hate the feeling that I'm letting others down a bit, not making my commitments, or if there are not, not making my personal goal of how to nurture relationships. There's not enough hours in the day, and not enough energy in me to go more hours if there was!

I do manage to make a little progress, and that always feels good. I need to work on being less like that person I mentioned, and see what has been done, rather than focusing on what hasn't. It could always be worse. (By the way, that expression generally annoys me... sure, life could always be worse - but then again, it could always be better too!)

I know at least a little of what the problem is. I am restless within myself. Change is coming, needed changes in the basic ways I live my life. I am dissatisfied with the stagnation point I've reached. Whenever I get easily agitated it's usually because I am feeling like a snake trying to wriggle it's way out of an old, too snug skin. Time to learn and grow, time to expand my thinking and my way of being. Time to stop talking about what I need to do, or should do, or want to do, and take some realistic steps toward doing it!

A birthday is always a good time for review of the past year and re-evaluation of where you're headed on your life journey. In the coming weeks I will be doing just that... taking stock of what's working and what's not in my life and what exact steps I intend to take in response to that. I'll keep you posted as the process unfolds.

For now, it's just turned midnight and the new week has officially begun. Time for some rest, then to wake up and welcome a new day. Every day is a new opportunity to embrace life. I think I'll focus on doing just that!

11 comments:

  1. Without knowing all the particulars, and I'm not prying, all I can say is, give yourself a break.

    Yes, I know that is easier said than done for most people. My wife reminds me a lot of you in this regard. I see the unnecessary stress she puts herself through and wish I could let her be me for a few days.

    There is something entirely liberating about not giving a shit sometimes. I highly recommend giving it a try if only for a few hours.

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  2. I can understand what you're saying. It happens to me all the time. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how I managed to do everything I did....so many years ago. Now, it seems like I'm always behind and there are unfinished projects all over the place. Since I only work 2 days a week...I actually should have MORE time, not less. There IS something to what the commenter above has said....'not giving a shit' is liberating and I've tried it several times. However, it only works for a short period of time and then it sneaks up and kicks your butt so you have to get down to business again cause nobody else is going to do those dishes! If anyone can figure out this dilemma, you can and WILL. Then let us in on the solution, ok? Big hugs! Your words have helped me through a lot...I'm so glad you're in my life.

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  3. I have quit worrying and nagging about the house being a mess -- ok. my daughters would tell you otherwise. "You nagged me all day about picking up after myself mom. it's so irritating."

    "Well, if you picked up after yourself I wouldn't feel the need to nag." -- I thought a quite brilliant response. haha.

    This line is brilliant -- "Whenever I get easily agitated it's usually because I am feeling like a snake trying to wriggle it's way out of an old, too snug skin. Time to learn and grow, time to expand my thinking and my way of being."

    Maybe the expansion is to breathe into the moment, and then sit in the agitation? Rather than attempting to wriggle out of the skin we're in, sometimes, we just need to fill in the air pockets, or is that cellulite -- and be where we're at.

    I find spring is my time of agitation. I want to get moving. Growing. Going. doing.... and when I simply breathe and be, in my agitation, the feelings flow and I continue on my way more grounded and peaceful feeling.

    Thanks for this reminder Josie. I didn't hear venting. I heard thinking out loud through writing it out.

    well done!

    Hugs

    Louise

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  4. I know my friends and I talk about this alot. I thought at this stage in life things would be easier with the empty nest and less to do. But that wasn't the case.

    I also think that in general, women are harder on themselves than men are.

    Change is hard, but I think you sound very motivated! Good luck.

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  5. I feel for you, darling. Here's hoping the new week is easier on you.

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  6. You are right Monkey Man, I stress myself. However there is only a certain amount of time one can ignore domestic issues or work tasks before they pile up and must be addressed. One could easily be buried if an avalanche of laundry, dishes, or paperwork occurred! :-)

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  7. Thank you, Louise, for seeing thru the words and understanding the dilemna. A good night's rest always helps me to feel more at peace with my life. I've learned to ignore more of the "mess" and do a little down time regardless now and then. Still, I know there are areas to work on so that I won't feel surrounded by the clutter and must do's. That in itself can become a drain.

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  8. Exactly, Val, one can only get away with ignoring the problem for awhile, and often doing so just compounds it. I find the recliner and my laptop much too attractive these days. :-)But I have come a long way from my mother's obsessive nature in which she could not go to bed if even one dirty glass or fork was in the sink!!

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  9. You are right on all counts, Lena! The reality is that I am a much happier person when my nest is tidy and my paperwork all caught up, even though those are only momentary states of being. I know I move more slowly than I did when I was younger, I often hear my inner mind pushing saying "hurry" or "stick with it" as my mind wanders off to more interesting pursuits! :-)

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  10. Thank you Patty! I know the "never enough time" feeling is common to working women and mothers everywhere. Time and energy seem never to equal the demand for it. I find as I get older that I am less willing to spend my off time working, there are things I enjoy much more that I prefer to do. The trick of course, is effecting some sort of balance between the two. The amount of work at my job leads to continual pressure,and there's not much I can do about it, but maybe I can find a way to simplify and better stay on top of tasks at home.

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  11. I put my hand up for the lack of time scenario. I am very hard on myself when I feel all aspects of my life aren't running smoothly and I know I have to let certain things go or my stress levels will rise but it is hard to do so. Here's to both of us finding the balance we need.

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)