I have been so impressed by what I am discovering in Louise Gallagher's blog "Recover You Joy" that I decided to go back to the beginning of her blog in 2007 and read forward. In the first post Scooping Up the Shadows she talks about letting the "dog poop" pile up in our lives, not tending to things we know we need to be taken care of for our own well-being and for the well-being of those we care about. That sounds so much like me!
There are the personal, emotional issues that I put on "ignore" status, telling myself I'll deal with them later... maybe... when I get around to it... when I feel stronger... when I figure out how. Then there is the practical, everyday backlog of "things to do" that gets out of control... health, finances, housework, office work, pet care, needs of family and friends... and the list goes on.
What happens is that when I overload myself with things waiting my attention, I withdraw. I look around at the "poop pile" of situations and things to be dealt with, knowing that I can't begin to accomplish all that needs to be done, and I'm not even sure where to start. This mountain of "to do" (or should I say "doo doo") weighs on me heavily, so I feel worn out before doing anything. I shutdown. I climb into the chair, turn on the tv and/or the laptop and do nothing at all. I ignore the things needing my attention, like I am expecting them to magically disappear or resolve themselves, even though I know this won't happen. Then comes the frustration, the self-loathing, the guilt. More time wasted, nothing accomplished, leaving myself and others disappointed.
I know if I can motivate myself to start dealing with anyone issue that is pressing on me, even if it's washing a sink load of dishes, I will feel better and find more energy to move forward onto the next task, and the next. I will feel hopeful, I won't feel so overwhelmed.There are all kinds of suggestions out there about how to face the pile of dog poop in one's life and start cleaning it up. Knowing how is the easy part, doing it is harder.
I think we imprint failure on ourselves. If I know that I tend to procrastinate on things I don't want to do, then I permit myself to use this as an excuse. I expect myself to do it, I give myself subconscious permission to fail. I need to find a way to reprogram what I believe about myself to expect better, to believe in myself more and to believe in my ability to prioritize and handle what needs to be taken care of.
One of my personal goals for this year is to get organized and keep up with the "dog poop" in my life on a daily basis!