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Companionship

We just finished watching the Netflix movie "Play the Game." The plot was thin and overacted, and a few scenes were downright embarrassingly tasteless - such as an aged Andy Griffith having an orgasm - but despite that it wasn't bad as light fare, and the underlying messages were right on target. Two intertwined themes played out in the movie... good relationships are based on honesty, and one of the strongest human needs/desires is for companionship.

Companionship is a word we don't often hear anymore. Years ago more marriages lasted longer and marriage partners did indeed become life-long companions. Mutual attraction is necessary, and for sure hot sex is great, but the bottom line in a relationship is whether or not you are best friends. Is this the person you want to spend your time with? Will they be there for you and with you thru good times and bad?

In too many married couples I know, and in a couple of my past marriages, we ended up spending very little time together with the exception of shared meals and sleep time. Even at those times there wasn't a great deal of interaction. How different it is in my life now! I can honestly say without question that my husband is first and foremost my companion. Home time and free time are most often spent together - we want to be with each other and we treasure the time shared. Three years later Saturday night is still date night, and on any other night you are likely to find us sitting on the sofa together watching tv surrounded by our furkids, or relaxing together in the hot tub under a canopy of bright stars!

I was once told that the best marriages are those in which each partner feels they got the best end of the deal. Partners... there's that concept again. A partner is someone who belongs with you, and that's where you want them to be. You enjoy their company, you love spending time together.

Lest someone misreads this and thinks I believe in being conjoined at the hip with your partner, I don't! Nothing is more pathetic than a wife who won't trust a husband to let him out of her site for an evening, or a husband who acts that way toward his wife. It is healthy for everyone to have a few interests and activities all their own. This gives you experiences to bring back to the table to share with each other. We all need a little down time alone too, even if it's just time to go for a walk, read a book, or paint your toenails.

This is just a gentle reminder to keep companionship an important part of your relationship. Treasure it, nurture it, plan time together in your day and week no matter how busy your lives are. Realize how blessed you are to have someone who loves you! Make good memories to last a lifetime.

19 comments:

  1. Well said Josie (as always!).
    Sometimes Loz and I can sit in the same room together, not utter a word, and it's still the best conversation I've had all day :) Ain't love grand??

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  2. I agree 100%. Companionship is so important for a healthy marriage. An excellent post!

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  3. I LOVED this piece. It addresses a truth that I simply did not realize until I possessed it: Marriage is not happy ever after.

    The hot sex wanes and then reappears again when you least expect it. Sometimes it is nice to spend the evening together, other times you want to be alone with your book. Either way is fine unless you are doing solely one of the above.

    I have had relationships that were so sexually charged that I felt feverish all the time. But, I did not feel as if I were completely safe. I have had relationships that were as comfortable as my sneakers, but I was not shaky with anticipation when the clothes came off. Meeting in the middle was a perfect surprise.

    I think, too, that you must realize that this same person who you cherish so deeply...will also make you want to throw a shoe at them now and then. And it is very important to be with someone who can stop in the middle of an argument and say, "Let's stop this. We're hurting each other. I love you. Nothing is worth this." And to be THAT person yourself sometimes.

    I'm 52 and it has taken me that long to realize these truths. When I was 25 or even 30, I didn't know these things. So...wow...all those young people out there. Maybe there are some old souls who figure it out at 18, but I truly think that wisdom comes with age, don't you? And it is hard fought.

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  4. That's absolutely true, Reinsey, it's not what you are doing together, but the being together that feels so right!

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  5. Thanks Selma, I guess this is another one of those life lessons that we hopefully learn somewhere along the way. I've seen how a relationship withers and dies when more time is being spent apart than together by choice.

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  6. Thank you for the lovely comment, Maria! I so agree with you. Relationships really are a balancing act of sorts... time spent together, time spent on your own, and as you note, even the ocassional time spent throwing shoes, or at least having the desire to! And yes, with a good relationship, one even feels safe grumbling now and then because we know it isn't going to destroy the foundation of love we've built if we shake a few bricks loose now and then. We don't spend much time scrapping because we've both lived long enough to remember how not fun that was in earlier relationships. I think age has everything on knowing how to live well. Now if we could just have access to all that wisdom when we were young,sure would have saved a lot of pain and struggle, huh?! :-)

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  7. I think one of the most important things I've learned about love and relationships that Maria just noted, is that when you truly deeply care for someone the last thing you want is to say or do something intentionally that will hurt them. We all do it now and then by accident in a moment of discontent, but I see folks I know trading out caustic remarks and doing hurtful things to each other so often and it makes me cringe. They seem hell bent on destroying each other and any love that they shared.

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  8. My husband has a delightful philosophy... say you're sorry whether you believe it's your fault or not. What difference does it make who "wins" in such situations? Winning just leaves the other partner, and probably both, with hurt feelings. Saying I'm sorry is so easy and so healing. He jokes that for husbands it's just a good idea to say it every morning as a blanket apology for the day, as they are bound to screw up at some point!:-)

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  9. Hubs is a smart man! LOL. Just kidding... but yes... I go out to restaurants and see some couples not talking to each other at all, not the "comfortable" silence kind...or they are each busy on their cell phones... sad really.

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  10. He actually gives that advice to young guys who are getting married, JY. It helps to see relationships with humor. Seriously, he is the best man I've ever known for admitting quickly when he thinks he was wrong or hurt my feelings. We all could learn from that.

    I've seen that silent partners at the table routine when out before too, and I've lived it with my ex. It was miserable.

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  11. I'm so glad to be in a relationship with my friend and companion. Like you, I've known the opposite. And the opposite is just sad.

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  12. I am really glad for you too, Cheryl. I smile every time you share about something you've done together, and the Christmas pics were great. I think if we've had the misfortune of being in a bad relationship, we cherish and nurture the good ones all the more. Obviously, you've found one of the good guys this time too! :-)

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  13. I'm glad you threw in part about your own things. I love being with my wife but I have my own hobbies. What makes it work is that when I'm done with whatever activity it is that she doesn't join me in, I'm always happy to be returning to her.

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  14. That's so true, LastStand. I don't believe it's healthy for couples to spend 24/7 together, or to feel miserable and incomplete when they are apart for a little while. Half the fun of being apart is indeed the joy of returning to the smile and warm embrace of the one you love and sharing stories about your day. Anyone who regularly comes home to an empty house knows how wonderful it is to have someone you love waiting for you!

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  15. My ex was a good guy, but just not the one for me. He stopped talking and interacting with me. Just stopped. I'll never understand why. He's been a very good father to my daughter and a good co-parent, and generous to me. I hope his current marriage works. It's his 5th!!

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  16. thanks so much for the visual of ole andy in the sack :) -- i couldn't read any further -- sorry
    love ya soul sis!

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  17. There is nothing I admire more Cheryl than a woman who has moved on with her life and can look back and pull some positives out of the rubble. Sometimes the "why" part in relationships coming apart is the hardest question of all to answer. I ask myself that with my ex too.

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  18. ROFL Soul, there's some images we really, really don't want to revisit in our minds! :-) So glad to see you out and around again too!

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  19. A Trivial aside. I had the opportunity to work 3 days during the shooting of this film as a stand-in for Andy Griffith. (My white hair worked to my advantage.) It was an interesting experience to say the least. Also got to meet Doris Roberts and Liz Sheridan on location and it was a memorable few days even though I had to drive 60 miles up into the Santa Monica mountains to get to the location.

    Enjoyed your comments on the film. I haven't seen it mentioned in my part of the world and was wondering how it turned out. :~D

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Your comments are always appreciated... they make me smile! :-)