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This Is To Be Human

 
This week's prompt for Sunday Scribblings is "human". What does it mean to be human? I smile in acknowledgement of the ready-made example that has been provided by my life.

I have been married four times. The first three evolved into destructive relationships that ended badly. I didn't mourn the first two, I was simply filled with the relief of escaping hell. My third marriage ended in complete devastation. Love existed between us at one time, and never have I tried so hard to prevent the loss of something that was beyond being saved.

By the time my divorce from my first husband was final, I was involved with the man who would become husband number two. I don't believe there ever was love present in that relationship in the real sense of the word. Once again it was a case of two misfits finding commonality in an uncommon situation. Had my first two husbands met me at any other time and place in my life it is unlikely marriage would have been the outcome. Yet I am thankful for those turbulent years, since from them came my daughter and my son, and their being gave me a reason to continue living.

After the demise of the second marriage, and a long, slow, tortuous death it was, I declared with absolute certainly that I would NEVER marry again, yet less than three years later I met the man who would become my third husband. We were both lost and lonely souls looking for warmth and company and told each other that the "L" word and marriage would never be part of the equation. Just a year later we were standing in front of a minister repeating vows. Despite the obvious difficulties I knew the relationship was going to present, I truly loved this man and when I took those vows they were made with serious intent. So did he, but it didn't work out that way. Thirteen years later there was little semblance of the love that once was.

That separation and divorce was exceedingly painful although I initiated it. I knew had to end if I was to escape with my life and what was left of my sanity. It took a full year for me to recover and begin living again. I've never cried as much as I did that year. This time I was absolutely certain that I would NEVER trust someone with my heart again. It was much too painful and always ended badly.

Then, after a few typically horrendous dating introductions, I saw HIS pictures and profile on an Internet site and sent off an introductory greeting. Little did I know then that God had just placed the most amazingly wonderful man directly in my path! We talked for hours and hours on the phone at night in those first weeks, and before long we arranged to meet in person. Not many weeks later we both knew that we wanted our relationship to become something permanent, to be more than bf/gf or cohabitants.

Slightly less than nine months after that first fateful Internet encounter I married the man of my dreams. All thoughts of avoiding marriage and withholding my heart melted in the warmth of his love. He told me that real love grows stronger with each passing day and year. I didn't believe that was possible, but now I know it's true. I have also been delighted to discover that marriage partners CAN live in peace and harmony, can work together to build their lives, can love and laugh and look eagerly forward to time that can be spent together. Marriage can be good? Love can be for real? Who knew?!

For me, to be human is to not give up on love. That no matter how badly a human heart is battered and broken, at some point in time it will heal, the steal door of fear will creak open, hope will rise eternal, and the search for love will begin again.

To be human is to believe in what seems impossible... to have faith, hope and trust that we are all intended to love and be loved, and that there is someone perfect waiting for you in the right place and at the right time in your life. It is human to experience dark times and doubts, it is also human light a candle in the darkness and pray for the morning light... and it comes, my life stands in witness that it comes!

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