It frustrates me to no end that I am forced to keep my blog private, thus preventing fellow bloggers from easy access and the ability to follow my new posts from their readers. How I would love to put myself back out there as I once was for all the world to see! But I know I can't. I learned that lesson the hard way.
My older sister somehow managed to find my public blog, though I'm certain someone assisted/directed her since she didn't even know what blogging was and is nearly computer illiterate. She didn't know I kept a blog, but once she found out she obviously read (and has allegedly printed out) every post I wrote during the year following my departure from my ex-husband and the farm.
Blogging was my therapy back then, and those of you who were reading my posts will remember that I held little back. My whole life was pretty much out there, along with some pretty colorful information that definitely wasn't for family consumption. Although I didn't use my real name, there was obviously enough identifying information for my sister to be certain it was me.
While it might be uncomfortable to be discovered in such a manner and have all your secrets come to light, the larger problem is with my sister herself who has some serious mental illness issues and has since made me miserable with references to things she read there - threatening to share them with my father and my younger sister. My little sister knows her for who and what she is, and in the past year my father has finally seen the light as well and admits she has some "problems". He told me I didn't have to take any shit from her, those were his words. It was highly surprising since he's expended so much energy in past years trying to convince me to be nice to her.
I haven't bought into her blackmail efforts. I told her to do whatever she wanted but to leave me the hell alone. I have made countless efforts to give her another chance at acting like a sister, and each time it's come back to bite me in the butt. So I've had to declare my life off-limits to her and ignore her efforts to draw me back in to the chaos that swirls around her. My life is much more peaceful when she's not a part of it. Even family members can be toxic I have learned.
What all this goes to say is that I learned painfully from that experience. Blogs such as mine, blogs where you bare your soul and sometimes more, need to be off limits to family and coworkers. The only exception to that is my husband who I hide nothing from. Not only does he read this blog, but I maintain a private one that I write for his eyes only.
Blogging is a safety valve for me. It's the one place I can be 100% myself and not have to worry about the repercussions. If I censored my writing to make sure there was nothing that family would find offensive or coworkers would find appalling, then it would no longer serve its purpose. It also wouldn't be much fun. It's not my way to work at disguising my identity, my location, my relationships or the details of my life. I write like I talk... at top speed without censure, my thoughts just tumble out.
The thirty seven people who currently have access here were invited into my world because I have some sense of who and what they are, and I trust them. Hopefully, that trust will continue to prove itself well-placed. On my profile it notes that anyone interested in reading my blog is welcome to email me for an invitation. I have been blessed by a couple new friends who have joined my blog that way, and I hope that more will come.
I will always wish that I didn't have to write behind locked doors, and I apologize for the nuisance, but it is the only way that I can be me and share with you who I really am. Since most of you do maintain public blogs, I am curious about how that works out for you. Have you had any negative experiences from being accessible to everyone?